If I Were You
by Melodrama
Summary: A 1xR fic from a different POV... Trowa's.
1. He doesn't deserve her

If I were you

Newsflash – I don't own Gundam Wing.  Well Duh.  I also don't own Wrangler jeans…although I'd love to own a guy that looks good in them.  Oh sorry…I digress. *cough* Hopefully those kind and loveable people who do own Gundam Wing won't sue me.  I'm sure they have much better things to do…like maybe animating Blind Target *hint hint*.  I am but a poor defenceless little fan girl.  Really.  Truly.

Now on with the sad attempt at fan fiction.  C+C welcome at melodrama1@bigpond.com.  Flamers –yeah righto, whatever, I could do with the laugh.

**Prologue**

I couldn't honestly tell you the first time I saw her.  I mean really saw her.  She's hardly the most low profile personality on the planet, being the Vice Foreign Minister and all, but who could truly say they knew who she was?   I guess I had fared a little better in the notoriety department – being an ex-Gundam pilot who had never really been "exposed" to the public.  I had simply blended back into the background when the Gundams had outlived their purpose.  

Not her though.  Not Relena Peacecraft.  Or is it Relena Dorlian? I'm not sure.  Does she even know? No, the fates seemed to have other plans for our former Queen of the World, a higher calling perhaps.  

Providence chose not to cross our paths during the Eve wars.  A brief glimpse of her in Siberia, but no more.  I observed her from a distance, and learned a little of her from my fellow pilots and Noin.  But I was not to be touched by her grace until times of peace, and for that I am almost grateful.  I merely had to observe the way she touched those around her.  The history books will write her as a beacon of peace in troubled times, a fairly limited appraisal by my reckoning.  Who would have guessed that such a small form, so fragile at first glimpse, could be the bearer of such strength, kindness and will?

I remember Heero telling me how Trieze had once declared Relena to be stronger than Heero.  It was a statement that obviously annoyed him.  And amused me.  Probably because we both knew that Trieze was right.  If not for her, I doubt Heero would have survived either wars.  I just wonder if he realises that too.  I'm pretty certain he's not that obtuse.  But then again.

He doesn't deserve her.

************

**Chapter One**

So we destroyed our Gundams.  And like the smoke that rose from the twisted remains, we scattered to the four winds.  After all, we all had homes to return to.  

Wufei was lured into the Preventers, not so surprising although it took a very patient partner to deal with his on-going justice rants.  Sally deals with it, although we still marvel at her self-control.

Duo returned to L2 and Hilde.  His better half.  Actually, make that his MUCH better half.  One thing we all agreed on, was that Hilde was one hell of a girl.  Looks, personality and style.  We just didn't get her taste in men.  But in Duo's case, we all hoped she wouldn't get over that minor flaw.  The guy adores her and I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.  She brings him peace.  None of us deserves it more.

Quatre still makes full use of his gift for strategy, only now he applies it to the cutthroat business world rather than the battlefield.  Since taking the helm of Winner Enterprises at Eighteen years of age, he has gained notoriety second only to the most prolific rock star of the moment.  I think we've all become adjusted to seeing the boy wonder's face splashed over some media publication, although I much prefer seeing his face on the Business Review Weekly than Women's Scandal Mongering Weekly.  The local tabloids seem more anxious to marry him off than his own sisters.  

Only a few weeks ago, Quatre was photographed with an "unknown brunette", who was proudly sporting a diamond engagement ring, resulting in speculation of an impending elopement.  Quatre was bemused, Hilde in hysterics.  Duo was simply said to remark "Cat, man, if you really wanted to run off with my fiancée, you could at least have bought your own ring."

And Heero.  Well, there's a mystery.  No one seems to know where he is.  It's been five years since the mariemaia incident, and he seemed to vanish almost straight after.  It doesn't surprise me that much, but I do wonder if he has any idea of how many people he has left behind.  I saw him once; at least I think I did.  I had just finished the lion act, and spotted him amongst the crowd.  He met my gaze for a moment, raised his hand in a brief gesture and then seemed to disappear again.  That was about six months ago, two weeks before I went from close acquaintance to close friend to Relena Peacecraft. 

*************

The annual Christmas Ball had become somewhat of a tradition for us, one that I actually looked forward to with some anticipation.  For Relena and Quatre it was, of course, somewhat high profile. But for the rest of us pilots and our close circle of friends it allowed us to celebrate in style without any question of who we were.  We were simply faces in a considerable crowd.  

So it was five years after the Mariemaia incident, at the afore mentioned ball, that found Duo, Wufei and myself seeking relief from the loud music and crowded ballroom on one of the expansive balconies outside.  Leaning back against the railing, I silently watched my former comrades in arms and marvelled at how far we had come.  Duo sat hunched over on a nearby deck chair, elbows on his knees, watching as he trickled champagne from his glass and onto the tiled floor.  His gaze was intent, as though he were hoping to find the answer to a question in the flow of the liquid.

"So I see you have filled your quota of business transactions for the evening, my friend," remarked Wufei, as Quatre slid softly out into our little alcove.

"Not exactly," replied Quatre, with a self-conscious smirk, "But if you don't give me away, I'm sure no-one need ever know."

Slumping down onto the floor, he loosened his tie and ran a manicured hand through his blond locks.  He sighed and watched us, assessing each of us in his customary perceptive gaze.  

"And the topic of tonight's discussion is…" he ventured.

That was another tradition that we seemed to have developed over the years.  We didn't seem to discuss what had transpired during the Gundam years at all.  Not until we met at the ball.  And then we would…share, speculate, discuss.  I don't know how it came to happen that way; it was never a conscious decision.  I guess none us wanted to dwell, to rehash old memories, and resurface old pain.  We weren't boys anymore, not that we ever really were.  But once a year, every anniversary, it seemed right to remember, and to help each other.  I liked it this way and I think the others did too.

Duo finally upended his glass, splashing the last few drops into the small puddle he had created at his feet.  With a sudden flick of his wrist, he sent the empty flute sailing over the railing and onto the cobblestone pathway below, where we could hear it shatter with a sharp pop.  

"Heero Yuy." He spat, glaring at each of us in turn, seeming to challenge one of us to respond.  I quirked my eyebrow at him, entreating him to continue.  He shook his head; a sharp, impatient movement.  

"It's been five years.  Why the hell can't any of us even seem to say his name?  Why do we seem to leave him out of every discussion, like he was never even there?  We're treating him like he's dead."

"Maybe he is dead." Wufei's voice rose softly from his darkened corner, almost forlorn, "We couldn't really know.  He disappeared quite effectively.  I should know. I've used every contact I have, within the Preventers and without, with no success."

I shot a look across at Quatre, who returned my glance with a small, almost imperceptible nod.  I sighed, shifting my weight and glancing over my shoulder at the silently flickering stars.

"Heero's not dead."  I murmured, and glancing at the doorway, I frowned.  " But you already knew that…. didn't you Relena?"

******** 

There was a stunned pause, as my three companions were made aware of our taciturn observer.  She stood there, her posture that of a creature trapped between the urge to turn and take flight or stay and perhaps invade our exclusive circle.  A faint blush seemed to spread across her cheeks, and she ducked her head in apology for her intrusion.  Duo was the first to move.

"Lena! How did you manage to slip away from all the stuffed shirts?"   He almost seemed to bounce up from his seat, as he moved forward to take Relena's hand.  The Vice Minister seemed to visibly relax as she leant forward to kiss Duo's cheek.

"I'm so relieved.  You had all disappeared, and I was so worried that I had missed the chance to see each of you."  

There was a pause as Relena accepted the chair that Quatre offered her, smoothing out the skirts of her elegant ball gown.  We settled into an uncomfortable silence.  Our new addition to the group seemed to take a vested interest in her perfectly polished fingernails before finally looking up and locking me in a steady, intense stare.

"When…" she paused to clear her throat, before beginning again. "When did you see him?"

Wufei and Duo both turned to look at me, Wufei with eyebrows raised and Duo with jaw dropped.  I scuffed my foot and shrugged, perhaps not unlike a chastised schoolboy.  

"I can't be sure it was him," I offered "I could have imagined…"

"It was Heero, Trowa, you know it was." Her interruption was soft, yet firm "When did you see him." 

"Two weeks ago.  At the circus.  Two weeks today."

I shifted self-consciously, uncomfortable under the measured stares of my friends.  Quatre smiled softly, with his familiar expression of understanding.  Wufei simply looked mildly annoyed but Duo was obviously pissed off.  

"Were you planning on sharing that little piece of information at any stage, Tro? " he muttered mutinously.  Relena merely smiled serenely and leant across, squeezing Duo's hand gently.  

Gracefully, she vacated her seat, stepping towards me.  Pausing beside me, she looked into the night sky.  Almost as if on cue, a shooting star flashed across the satin sky.  Eyelids slid down over aquamarine eyes, as perfect lips moved in silence and I found myself wondering just what she was wishing for. 

Wish made, Relena turned those eyes up to mine.  I felt a lump form in my throat as I was confronted by the sorrow those eyes bore.  With poise, she reached up and pressed slender fingers against my cheek, cupping my face.  Leaning up, she pressed her lips against the line of my jaw, before whispering,

"I would be so happy if you would come visit tomorrow.  I would so like to hear all about how your life has been." She paused, before resuming, voice even softer than before. "He's around.  He's always around.  He's here now, he just doesn't think I know it."

Relena stepped back again, leaving my senses reeling from the gentleness of her touch and the scent of her perfume.  She turned to look back out over the balcony, her voice suddenly rising; it's edge heartrending.

"He thinks I'm so stupid!"

There was no mistaking the tremble in her tone, and she dropped her chin to her chest, as she seemed to fight back her anger.  Then resolutely, she straightened the elegant fingers that had curled to grip the wrought iron and drew her shoulders back to regain her normal posture.

"I really must return to the fray, I'm afraid, before my absence is noted and all hell breaks loose.  Duo, I expect to see you very soon.  Hilde and I have already made dinner plans, so don't even dream of depriving me of your company." Duo grinned openly, Relena's charm melting away his previous dark expression.  She turned to Wufei, pressing his hands in hers,

"And my dearest Wufei, I have just finished that marvellous novel that you loaned me and I am so impatient to discuss it with you. " she laughed briefly, seeing the warmth in the Chinese man's appearance at the mention of his beloved literature.  Turning to Quatre, Relena clicked her tongue and shook her head.

"Mr Winner, I do believe you are working too hard.  If we have to cancel one more lunch appointment, I believe I will have to sell my shares in your company.  It is surely no way to treat business associates?" she said with mock severity.  

Quatre laughed before bending to kiss her offered hand.

"Your wish is my command," he announced "anything for my favourite shareholder."

And with a swish of silk, she was gone.

"So what the hell kind of game is he playing?" snapped Duo.

******* 


	2. Don't make her wait forever

If I were you

Newsflash – I don't own Gundam Wing.  Well Duh.  I also don't own Wrangler jeans…although I'd love to own a guy that looks good in them.  Oh sorry…I digress. *cough* Hopefully those kind and loveable people who do own Gundam Wing won't sue me.  I'm sure they have much better things to do…like maybe animating Blind Target *hint hint*.  I am but a poor defenceless little fan girl.  Really.  Truly.

Now on with the sad attempt at fan fiction.  C+C welcome at melodrama1@bigpond.com.  Flamers –yeah righto, whatever, I could do with the laugh.

Thanks to those wonderful, smecial people who took the time to read the first instalment.  Now, without further ado, here's some more.  

Chapter Two 

Quatre fixed Duo with a level stare. "Duo…."

The American glared back, dark eyes flashing.  "What Winner? What? We were his friends.  Why did he just dump us like that?  Don't just look at me with that whipped dog expression like you don't know what I'm talking about.  He didn't just leave Relena, he left all of us."

Quatre flushed, his mouth hanging open momentarily.  About to respond to his friends' outburst, he was interrupted by the Chinese man's even, almost expressionless tone.

" It is my fault.  He was finding some peace until the last battle.  And then I made him doubt himself.  I told him my own demons, and they became his."

My eyes were drawn to Wufei, still the solitary dragon in so many ways.  He was leaning against the wall, semi-obscured by shadow, and although I couldn't clearly see his face, his rigid stance clearly betrayed the guilt he had obviously felt for some time.  

"Do you really believe that, Wufei?" I asked.  His head tilted in my direction, and dipped slowly in affirmation.  I shook my head at him, wishing I could offer more assurance than I did.

"Wufei, Heero had his own demons.  We all do.  Any doubts he had in himself, he had them before the two of you fought.  You cannot continue to punish yourself for what happened in the past, particularly those events that you had no control over."  

A sharp intake of breath from Wufei, confirmed he recognized my meaning.

"Follow your emotions.  He told me that, what seems eons ago, and I have tried to do that ever since.  But it seems almost as if he couldn't follow his own convictions.  We all know what it feels like to try and return to some kind of normality, to finally have our own destinies.  But for Heero, war was normality.  Perhaps he was afraid to include himself in a world without peace.  Maybe he wanted to find his place in it."

"But he does have a place in it." Interrupted Duo. "It's here.  With us.  With Relena."  His expression was intense, imploring.  He raised a hand, brushing it across his forehead in an agitated fashion.  Quatre merely nodded, his gaze vacant, deep in thought.

"No Duo, Trowa's right.  There is no way any of us could have told him that, and made him understand.  He needs to figure it out for himself.  We can only wait.  And hope that he does return.  Showing his face to Trowa, even if it was only brief, may indicate that he wants to contact us again.  We all know that no one ever knows he's around unless he wants them to, so we have to hope.  But he's not going to come out of hiding until he's ready."  

Quatre was interrupted suddenly, by a high-pitched signal from his top jacket pocket.  

"Shit!" he swore dispassionately, fumbling to find the small comm. link. "Sorry guy's, but I have to take this," and with a swift flip of his hand, he disappeared through the balcony doors.  Duo shook his head, his face an expression of bewilderment.  

"Someone needs to nail that boy's feet to the floor."

I felt the edge of my mouth twitch up into a grin, as I watched my best friend disappear back into the crowded ballroom, before turning my attention back to Duo.  

"He will return Duo.  We are his friends, and we are all bound by blood and by consequence." 

Duo tilted his head at me, the wide grin so familiar to us all returning to his face.

"'Course he will Tro.  I'm the best friend he's got.  Where the hell else does he have to go?" 

He bounced back up onto his feet, offering his hand and slapping me on the shoulder.  

"Well folks, I'd better go fetch Cinderella and get her home before the coach turns into a pumpkin."

Duo paused a moment, looking me directly in the eye.

"I miss him, man.   I really miss the moody sod."

He sighed, then, after dispatching Wufei with a similar slap on the shoulder, he vanished back inside.

"It is late." declared Wufei, stepping out of his shroud of shadows.  I watched him, as he appeared to wrestle with the decision to impart some form of information – or advice?

"You will see Relena tomorrow?"  I wondered for a split second, if he was making a statement or asking a question.  I simply nodded.  He mirrored my action, appearing satisfied with my response.  

"It will do you both some good." He said, causing me to raise an eyebrow.  He stood a moment, appearing to take my measure.  The Chinese man's face then creased into a soft smile, and clasping my shoulder he remarked,

"You are a good friend Trowa Barton.  I thank you."

Not waiting for a reply, he turned on his heel, and was also gone.

Turning towards the stars again, I leant on the balcony railing and pondered.

"I hope you heard all that Heero.  Life is moving on without you.  We need you here."

I straightened up again, and moved back towards the doorway.  Pausing, I turned back briefly.

"She can't wait forever, Heero.  Don't make her wait forever."

As I walked through the arched doorway, I had the all too familiar feeling of being watched.

********

I waited until a little after midday, before making my way to Relena's home.  It occurred to me, as I turned my motorcycle into her street, that I had not made an appointment and hoped that she was actually going to be available.  I chastised myself for forgetting that she would most likely be too busy to receive my visit.  

Drawing up to the front door, however, I was amazed to see the front yard swarming with media.  Standing in the doorway, an unfrazzled Pagan was attempted to turn the persistent cameras away.  Glancing over the heads of the crowd, however, the elderly man spotted me.  He appeared to tip his head in an almost imperceptible fashion, in a signal that I took to mean, "go around the back".

Within minutes, I had managed to scale the back wall, and was standing in the apparently empty backyard.  A slight movement drew my attention to a large, black dog that was lying at the base of a stately apple tree.  The Rottweiler watched me keenly, dark eyes glittering and muzzle pinched.

"Hello Zac," I motioned to the dog. "Where's your mistress?"  

The dog visibly relaxed and allowed me to approach him.  Looking up, the first thing to enter my line of vision was a slender ankle.  Looking for a sturdy branch, I lifted myself up to settle opposite the body that the ankle was attached to.

"Why hello." Relena grinned at me over the top of the thick book she was obviously reading.  I opened my mouth to reply, but found myself devoid of anything coherent.  

Relena sat curled up in a crook in the tree, clad in what appeared to be a thick men's coat, its' collar turned up so it framed her face.  The denim jeans she wore were obviously old, and covered in numerous patches.  Her dark blonde hair, still showing proof of the curls fashioned the night before, peeked out from under a soft woollen cap.  Her face was scrubbed clean of any trace of make up, and her cheeks were flushed pink from the cold.   I swallowed and reminded myself to breathe.

"Glad you made it past the wolves." She commented, tipping her head in the general direction of the house.  I blinked, her dialogue suddenly drawing me from my reverie.  

"Uh, yeah.  What…"

Relena rolled her eyes.  She snapped the book shut and tapped the edge against her chin.  I observed her fingers, noticing the chips in the once perfect nail polish.  I wondered if they were from climbing the tree.  She unexpectedly reached towards me, catching me off guard.  She touched the top of my ear, sending a shiver that raced straight down my spine.  Leaning back again, completely oblivious to my reaction she smiled,

"Your ears are cold.  I think we need to go inside hmm?"

I simply nodded, dumbfounded, as she shimmied down the tree and began to make her way across the yard, Zac immediately taking his place by her side.  

"Well? Are you coming?"

I visibly shook myself, before jumping down, jogging to catch up with her.  I reprimanded myself for being so distracted.  After all, I was there to talk about Heero.  And there was the issue of why her house was surrounded by media.  

As we walked towards the house, I started repeating;

"She loves Heero, she loves Heero, she loves Heero"

*******


	3. I don't want him hanging around because ...

If I Were You

Yes that's right.  I don't own Gundam Wing.  Rub it in, why don't you.  How about you just give me a paper cut and rub some lemon juice in it, while you're at it.  Some really rich people in another country own it.  Boo Hoo.  _Trowa – "get on with the blasted story!"_… Fine, fine, *grumble* 

Chapter Three 

Following Relena in through the back door, we found Pagan waiting in the kitchen.  

"The President called, Miss Relena.  He has requested that you meet with him this evening,"

Relena raised an eyebrow, before nodding.  

"That will be fine, thank you Pagan.  Are the members of the press still gracing us with their presence?"

The elderly man chuckled softly.

"Yes, I fear they appear quite comfortable out there.  I believe we can expect rain soon though, so perhaps that may send them on their way."  

Relena shook her head, before beginning to shake with laughter.  

"You are far too optimistic, Pagan, I have no doubt that they all have umbrellas!"

This laid-back banter continued, as Relena rummaged through cupboards, appearing to scour the kitchen for lost treasures.

"Aha!" she declared loudly, spinning around with a large packet in hand.  "Cold day, almost inevitable rain on it's way…. this is a job for MARSHMALLOWS!!" Relena declared dramatically.

She examined me meditatively, through narrowed lids.  

"You do eat marshmallows, don't you?"

"I have been known to have the odd hankering," I grinned.

"Wonderful!" she declared, and grabbing the already prepared tea tray from Pagan, she set off towards the living room.  Casting a bemused glance at Relena's aide, who simply smiled softly, then winked, I quickly followed suit.  

Expecting to find the former Queen of the World seated elegantly in one of the armchairs, I was surprised to find her pulling a soft rug closer to an already blazing fire. Placing the tea tray in the centre, which contained the obligatory tea, as well as elegantly quartered sandwiches and fruit, she flopped down, sitting with her legs crossed.  

"Ta Dah! Carpet Picnic." She proclaimed, indicating for me to sit on the mat opposite her.  

Since coming inside, she had shed the oversized jacket I had found her in, revealing a rather worn white men's shirt.  It looked familiar, but I couldn't place its origin.  She must have perceived my gaze, as she raised a hand to lightly finger the shirt collar.  For a moment her smile seemed wistful, and her eyes averted to the flickering flames.  My memory was adequately jogged, and I realised where I had seen the shirt before.

Having lowered myself onto the floor, my eyes navigated my new surroundings.  The room was tastefully furnished, designed for comfort and repose.  The heavy drapes were closed, though to prevent the intrusion of the cold or prying eyes, I was unsure.  Save for the tasteful placement of elegant artwork and literary works, the room had no personal touches.  It led me to believe that this was not a room that Relena frequented.  My eyes, however, were drawn to a slender vase, which stood on the small centre table.  Placed in the vase was a single crimson rose, its petals not yet unfurled in full bloom.  I stared at it.  It seemed strangely…. out of place.  I was uncertain as to why it gained my attention so.  

Noticing that Relena was quietly watching me as I surveyed her abode, I quickly sought to embark on a conversation.

"I guess I should ask why?" I said, my head tilting in the general direction of the front door.  Relena winced, her nose wrinkling in distaste.  

"Ah yes," she began, "the inevitable question.  Why the media frenzy? Why indeed!"

She absently picked up a segment of sandwich, and unconsciously began to pluck out small wads of bread, rolling them between her thumb and forefinger.

"My `superior`, so to speak, the Minister of Foreign Affairs appears to have been embroiled in a rather embarrassing spot of scandal."

She paused, glancing over at me.  I nodded silently, waiting for her to continue, although the whole idea of a politician being exposed for some form of indiscretion was hardly surprising to me.   Not all leaders could be as above suspicion as Relena was.  

"It seems that even though his family life appeared somewhat ideal, the Minister has a few other `appetites`, mainly, evidence is suggesting, for…." Relena seemed to bite out the latter with some distaste, "young boys."

I was at a loss for words.  Relena flicked a wad of the bread into the flames, shaking her head.

"Oh, don't worry, there's little doubt in the truth, the evidence appears to be quite…graphic.  The media is screaming for his blood, as are most of the Earth's Sphere delegates.  It's expected that he will be officially requested to step down at this evenings meeting."

"And the media are here because…" I paused mid sentence, knowing the answer already.  She gave me a level look, which plainly stated she knew she didn't have to explain any further.  

The removal of the Minister of Foreign Affairs inescapably meant that Relena would be expected to assume the now vacant position, something she had been trying to avoid for some time.  Her position had originally been invented, simply to sustain her place in the peace process, as well as the establishment of the Earth's Sphere Alliance.  

However, the influential speaker had many supporters, and it was well known that it was her "guiding light" that steered many world leaders towards successful peace negotiations.  She had been receiving added pressure, not only to resume the position of Minister, but also to eventually challenge for the position for President.  I knew that Relena feared that any added responsibility would prevent her from continuing her own personal campaign for peace.  I also suspected that she held other reservations, those related to a specific Gundam Pilot.

Relena sighed.  Fidgeted.  She appeared to be debating on the benefits of broaching a particular topic.  Her gaze skimmed the room, until it came to rest on the single rose.  The pause stretched into an uncomfortable silence.  

"It was on my pillow."

I gaped at her.  I knew I looked foolish, but I couldn't seem to prevent it.  

"The rose.  It was on my pillow when I arrived home last night.  It had only just been placed there…there were still water droplets on the petals.  He was there at the ball, I KNEW it.  He was there listening to us."

She reached into the pocket of her jeans, and pulled out a slightly crumpled, folded piece of paper.  She all but threw it at me.  Unfolding it, I witnessed two words, written in a familiar hand.  I'm Sorry.  

I watched Relena, who sat opposite me, who in turn was staring into the heart of the fire, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.  She sighed again, this time the sound betraying a slight tremor. 

"I knew he was still there.  Watching me.  I was so annoyed with him.  So…angry.  I told him to go away.  To leave me alone.  That if he couldn't show his face to me, that I didn't want him there at all."

She brought her hand up and wiped the back of it over her eyes in an almost child like gesture.  I sat there, rigid, unable to move.  I didn't know what to do to reassure her, to offer comfort.  I wished Quatre were there.  Grasping at straws, I reached over, and piercing a marshmallow with a toasting fork, stuck it in the fire.  Once the shell had turned an even brown, I offered it to her.  Relena's eyebrows shot up, disappearing under her fringe.  She shot me a wry grin, and helped herself to the marshmallow.  She continued to watch me, as she consumed the sweet treat.

"Hmm, you're one heck of a marshmallow chef, Trowa.  I'm impressed."

I smiled as I staked another, and held it above the flames.

"Do you think he will go?"  She whispered.  "I was quite fervent." 

The question hung in the air for a moment, and I pondered my response.  The answer was most certainly not to be found in the fires flickering flames.  Marshmallow toasted, I again offered it to my hostess. 

"He won't leave.  He made a promise to protect you.  He would never break that promise.  Besides, he loves you."

Relena snorted, and I started at the rather unladylike gesture.

"I don't want him hanging around because his rotten pride won't let him leave.  Let him break his promise.  I don't want him darkening my doorstep, or window ledge, whatever, just because he feels bound by obligation.  I want someone who wants to be with me, who loves me.  I don't need another bodyguard.  I have enough of them."  

I was stunned to hear her speak in such a way.  I simply stared at her for a moment, before realising that my carefully toasting marshmallow had now caught fire, and was dropping into the hearth in a gooey mess.  Startled, I yanked the fork away from the flames and laid it down, turning my attention to Relena.

"He loves you Relena.  Promise or not, he doesn't leave because he doesn't want to.  I don't know what reason Heero has for isolating himself from us, but surely you must appreciate that he loves you."

"You make it sound like that should be enough, Trowa.  And I don't know that he still loves me, not really.  I know he did.  He told me some time ago.  But people change their minds.  His note said he was sorry.  But sorry for what? Sorry that he's left me alone and broken hearted? Sorry that he doesn't have the courage to tell me that he wants to be with me? Or sorry, because he's found someone else and he doesn't know how to let me down gently?"  

Relena's faced became flushed, as the anger she had obviously kept contained for sometime began to bubble forth.  I opened my mouth, about to tell her of my parting message to Heero on the balcony the night before.  That his apology was for keeping her waiting for him.  I truly felt he was trying to tell her to keep waiting, and that he would return soon.

I was just about to tell her this, when a brisk rapping on the door interrupted us.

"My apologies, Miss Relena," said Pagan, as he entered the room "But the President has requested that the meeting be brought forward, and that you meet him at the soonest possible moment."  

Relena nodded slowly, her face returning to its usual smooth expression.  She glanced down at her comfortable attire and exhaled.

"Well, I guess I had better change."

I stood up and assisted Relena to her feet.  She smiled softly at me.

"I'm sorry we've had to cut this short Trowa, and that the topics of conversation were less than pleasant.   I appreciate your friendship more than I could possibly express.  Thank you for listening."  

She reached over and grasped my hand in hers.

"Relena," I spoke softly, "Relena, just remember that the red rose represents true love.  You must remember that."

Her eyes suddenly glistened with unshed tears, and without warning, I found her arms flung around my neck in a firm embrace.  Kissing my cheek, she stepped back again and whispered,

"Thank You."

I stood for a few minutes, watching the door through which she had just departed.  The room suddenly seemed devoid of all life.  I let out a long, heartfelt sigh.

He doesn't deserve her.

*******


	4. Doesn't Heero have any idea of the immen...

**If I Were You**

I don't own Gundam Wing. I don't own Trowa either (or so he keeps telling me) which is why I had to lock him in the cupboard. evil grin - ummmm…. let's move on shall we…

Chapter Four

Quatre looked tired. Leaning back in my seat, ankles crossed in front of me, I watched him secure his bowtie with the ease brought about by repetition. He smoothed his waistcoat and plucked at his shirtsleeves, assessing his appearance in the mirror before turning his attention back to me. He let out a loud, heartfelt sigh, before slumping on to the end of his bed.

"I don't want to go."

"You don't have to go."

Quatre groaned in response.

"Yes I do. Dammit."

"No you don't. Although, you should keep in mind that it is New Years Eve, and if you don't go, how am I supposed to pick up one of the gorgeous girls you've carelessly tossed aside?" I argued, a smirk foiling my attempt at a deadpan expression. Quatre grinned.

" Plus," I added, "The press would be severely disappointed if they had to see in the New Year without linking you to some new fling."

"True, true," Quatre agreed, "I have an obligation to my public"

The blond man grimaced.

"Mind you…oh to have the sex life they say I do."

I laughed, reaching over to take an apple from the nearby fruit bowl.

"Quatre, old friend, there is no way you could have THAT much stamina."

Taking the flick knife out of my back pocket, I began to meticulously remove the apple's peel. While I had little use for the knife anymore, I had continued to carry it around out of habit. Besides, it had been a gift from Cathy and it came in handy for peeling apples. I liked peeling apples.

"Relena's bringing her new boyfriend." Quatre mentioned casually.

I jumped as the knife slipped off the apple and sank into my finger. Cursing softly, I thrust the injured digit into my mouth and shot a startled look at him. He returned an apologetic grimace, and passed me a tissue. Wrapping the cloth around the cut, I ventured,

"I wasn't aware Relena was involved with someone?"

It was true, since our rather "interesting" visit before Christmas I had not seen her again. As expected, the problems involving the Minister of Foreign Affairs had become complicated and messy. He had indeed stepped down from his position, but not without some "gentle persuasion" and Relena was due to begin her new role in the beginning weeks of the New Year.

"Justin Freeland." Quatre confirmed. "He's the personal assistant to the President. 'A fine, upstanding young man of solid family background and masculine good looks.'"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"So I take it that means that the media approve?"

My question was rewarded with a slight shrug of the shoulders and a nod of affirmation. Who knew? I was unsure why this news was such a surprise to me. Perhaps I had become so settled in the assumption of Relena's devotion to Heero, that her decision to move on was so unexpected.

Quatre shot a glance at his watch, before rising to his feet and shrugging into his dress jacket. Walking towards the door, he whispered,

"Doesn't Heero have any idea how immense a mistake he's making?"

The festivity was well under way by the time the Minister for Foreign affairs made her appearance, and she made an entry worthy of the Princess that she was. Heads literally turned and my first glimpse of her literally caused my throat to close and the bottom to drop from my stomach.

She was wearing a crimson gown, soft and flowing, which delicately traced the lines of her figure. Her hair was braided into a tasteful design, revealing her long elegant neck. Around her neck was a simple, yet beautiful ruby pendant.

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the accessory Relena had brought with her. Tall, well built and attractive (if you like that kind of thing), Justin Freeland stood too close and held her arm with far too much possession for my taste. I made a swift decision to dislike this guy.

I watched her and her trained primate as they made their way across the room. Settling myself against the wall, I saw her move from one guest to another. I marvelled at the way people responded to her, and the way she spoke to each person with such kindness and sincerity. I observed her as her path finally crossed with Quatre's, and smiled at the way Relena's expression lit up as she embraced our friend. They spoke for a while and then Quatre indicated in my direction with a motion of his head. Relena turned towards me and gave a small wave. Catching Quatre's hand in hers, they made their way across to me, Justin trailing along behind.

"Trowa!" Relena exclaimed, "How are you? I was wondering if you would come tonight. I felt so bad that I hadn't seen you again since your last visit. How are things? Is the circus going well? How is Cathy?" Taking my hand, she noticed the bandage on my finger, and gave me an inquiring look. I gave her a lop sided grin.

"I cut myself. Don't tell Cathy, I would never live it down."

"Your secret is safe with me."

Justin shifted a little closer and cleared his throat. Relena started a little before exclaiming,

"Oh my goodness, where are my manners. Trowa let me introduce you to Justin. Justin, Trowa is an old friend of mine…he performs with the Circus troupe that has been in the area. He does the most exciting act with the lions…."

Her voice petered off as she noticed her partners' stiff, unfriendly posture. He was observing me with a definite air of suspicion, and I stared back without expression.

"The Circus? Really!" Justin said, his tone smooth and condescending. Relena frowned slightly, before shooting me a slightly apologetic look. The other man placed his hand on Relena's arm, steering her towards the dance floor in the middle of the room.

"Come on darling, I do believe you promised me the first dance."

With that, he drew her away, giving her no opportunity to argue. Quatre watched their departure, before fixing me with a measured look.

"What the hell was that about?" He exclaimed.

"What a schmuck," I muttered with conviction. "What the hell is she thinking getting involved with such a prat. Is she punishing herself? Trying to torture Heero? What?"

Quatre offered no comment but simply continued to watch me through slightly narrowed lids. I grumpily crossed my arms across my chest, and resumed my position of leaning against the wall. Through the crowd, I could catch glimpses of dark blonde hair, and the occasional flash of crimson silk. At one instance the floor cleared enough to see them clearly. She was wrapped in his arms, dancing close, one of his hands pressed officiously against the exposed plane of her back. He smiled down at her, before placing a soft kiss on her bare shoulder. One song followed another, and then another. Finally, I could hold out no longer. Pushing myself away from the wall, I began to stride towards the dance floor.

"Trowa…" Quatre's voice turned my head.

"Take care. For gods sake don't cause a scene." I simply raised an eyebrow, nodded briskly and continued on my way.

Standing behind Justin, I gave him a light tap on the shoulder. He turned his attention on me with a scowl.

"Mind if I cut in," I said, in what was more of statement than a question.

"As a matter of fact," he began, interrupted by Relena as she stepped around him.

"Oh course not, Justin wouldn't mind sacrificing a dance for an old friend."

Justin paused for a moment, as he did what I thought was a very good goldfish impersonation. Recovering himself, he nodded stiffly, kissed Relena's cheek and made his way back across the room. Turning to me, Relena offered me her hand and we began to shift to the music in a relaxed and companionable silence. As we danced, I could not help but notice the soft curve of her collarbone, and the delicate way the end of her nose turned up. Or how small and graceful her fingers were, curled in mine. Or how deep her eyes were. How could Heero not want to be lost in the depths of those eyes? He was a fool.

The song finished and moved onto another, a soft bittersweet ballad. We continued to sway to the music, when I felt Relena stiffen against me. I noticed that she had dropped her chin and seemed to tremble. Relena seemed to let out a small sob, and looking down, I saw the solitary tear escape to skim down her cheek. Tightening my hold on her hand, I turned towards the large arched doorways that lead outside.

Finding a small, secluded alcove, I helped Relena take a seat. Offering her the handkerchief from my coat pocket, I waiting in silence as she dabbed at her cheek.

"Why can't I move on Trowa? He doesn't want me anymore, so why can't I just save some small shred of dignity and get on with my life?"

I looked at her, and was dismayed at the way her shoulders were hunched and her head drooped in dejection. For the millionth time in the last five years, I cursed Heero Yuy.

"Did he make you any promises?" I kicked myself the moment the tactless words had stumbled from my lips.

"Yes…No…I don't know…." She tripped over the words, voice forlorn and confused. Her hands rested in her lap, and she twisted the handkerchief in a tight coil with her fingers. Her agitation seemed to increase and I realised that she wanted to impart some piece of information, information I suspected she had not yet told anyone.

I crouched down on the floor at her feet, resting my folded arms on my knees and waited. Relena took several deep breaths and seemed to strengthen her resolve. A deep blush had started to spread across her cheeks, and I began to have my suspicions about exactly what she was about to tell me.

"Before he…. disappeared…. he told me he loved me. But now I don't know if he meant it."

I opened my mouth to say something, but she held up her hand to stop me.

"The last time I saw Heero, he…. spent the night." A small smile flashed over her lips at this admission.

"Afterwards, I remember waking up, in the early hours, and he was sitting beside me, stroking my hair. That was when he told me he loved me. But his face was so sad, so despondent. I knew he was saying goodbye, and there was nothing I could do or say to stop him. And then he was gone. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, Relena, nothing. Maybe Heero had other things he wanted to sort out first. Or maybe he was afraid. He never expected to survive the war. I understand how he may have felt; I never expected to live either. And you gave him that will to live. But that doesn't automatically mean that he's going to be able to adjust to this new life. To accept that there is a place for him in your world."

I paused for a moment, debating whether I should broach the subject of Justin.

"How serious is this thing with Justin?"

Relena sighed.

"Serious enough, I guess. I can't wait around for a shadow anymore, Trowa, I deserve better than that. If Heero wants to take an active role again in my life, he had better do something about it soon, because I'm not waiting anymore. I used to believe in true love, and in having a soul mate. I thought Heero was the one. I'm being to think I was wrong. Maybe I'm simply destined to find someone who I'm comfortable with, a life companion. Maybe true love only belongs in fairy tales."

Relena stood up again, straightening her dress and handing the crumpled piece of cotton back to me.

"I had my one night of passion, one taste of perfect love. Maybe that's all I'm destined to have."

She watched as I climbed to my feet, before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Happy New Year, Trowa Barton."

And as I stood alone in the quiet alcove and watched her departing back, I made my New Years Resolution.

Next time I saw Heero Yuy I was going to kick his arse.


	5. I must point out that an inebriated Heer...

If I Were You

I don't own Gundam Wing.  Anyone got a tissue?

Chapter Five 

Duo's ability to make an appearance whenever food is involved has never ceased to amaze me, so it shouldn't really have surprised me when the braided American bounced into Quatre's dining room just as brunch was being served.  He stomped over to us and threw a folded newspaper in front of me, before flopping down into an empty chair.  Quatre looked at Duo with wide eyes, as he picked up the offered paper. 

"Duo, you look a mess! Must have been a big new years huh?"

"Pfft, I wish!" Duo grunted, reaching for a croissant and slathering it with jam.  He gestured at the news article with his knife.  

"I assume you guys were there for that last night?"

Looking over Quatre's shoulder, I read the large headline.

**A Match Made in Political Heaven!**

A large photograph of Relena arm in arm with Justin was splashed across the page.  She looked dazzling and almost glowed with apparent happiness.  It seemed ironic that I knew otherwise.  Quatre glanced up from the newspaper, and gave me an odd look.  He turned to Duo, who was dishing copious amounts of scrambled eggs and bacon onto his plate.

"Yes, we went last night.  Relena seems well."

"Yeah well, surprise surprise, someone else was there as well."

We both frowned at Duo, and waited for him to continue.

"I had a rather…. unexpected…. visitor late last night."  Duo pushed his eggs around his plate, his brow furrowed at the memory.

"It seems a certain obsessive ex-Gundam Pilot went to keep an eye on a particular Minister for Foreign affairs, as it's become evident he has a habit of doing.  Seems afore mentioned pilot slash assassin, took exception to the fact that she had brought along a new toy."

Duo rolled his eyes at our stunned expressions, shook his head and then sighed.

"He turned up at my place completely smashed.  Appears that Mister Heartless Control Freak proceeded to finish off three bottles of champagne as well as unaccounted for spirits.  I must point out that an inebriated Heero is a scary thing."

"What did he say?" gasped Quatre.

"Ah well, there's the thing.  He actually said a lot, but, well, I couldn't understand a word he was saying.  I think he groaned Reelleeena about 46 times, muttered something about angels and passed out.  When I woke up this morning he was gone."

Okay, this was probably the moment I was supposed to feel bad for the guy, and make sympathetic noises like Quatre was currently making.  But, what can I say; I was pissed off at him.  The Bastard.

"Funny," I spat, with a tone laced with sarcasm,  "when Heero told me to follow my emotions, I didn't realise he meant to follow them to the nearest alcoholic beverage."  

Duo stared at me through narrowed eyes.  Now would be a good time to back off, but hey, I guess my timing was off.

"You could try a little sympathy for Heero, Trowa, he is our friend." Duo's voice had a menacing edge, as the self-proclaimed god of death revealed loyalty to his partner.   Quatre was quick to step in, forever the pacifier.

"I think we are all a little biased here, Duo.  I believe Trowa spoke to Relena again last night; he is simply sensitive to her feelings."

Duo immediately relaxed, his expression becoming imploring,

"Guys, if you had just seen him.  I don't think I've ever seen him like this.  He was so… devastated."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"He didn't seriously think she would just spend the rest of her life pining for him.  Devote herself to celibacy simply because he used her and then moved on?  You know her just as well as any of us! You can't expect a woman who has so much love to give, to live without the devotion she deserves?  If Heero's not man enough to give her that, then maybe she needs to find someone who is."

"Ah hell," muttered Duo, "You sound just like Hilde."  

He paused again, as my words started to settle in.  His features set back into a threatening glare. 

"Someone else who's man enough huh?  So do you have any suggestions …friend?"

I tightened my jaw, and returned Duo's glare.  Quatre nervously glanced back and forth between us.  

"No, Duo, I don't.  I'm just saying that I'm sick of watching him break her heart.  Try talking to her yourself sometime.  Maybe it'll remove those rose tinted glasses you wear when Heero's involved.  Take a step back and realise, the guy's being a jerk.  He thinks he has to martyr himself, punish himself by removing himself from her, when all along he's only destroying her.  He's a selfish clod."

"He's the best soldier amongst us," shot Duo, obviously running out of steam.

"Yeah," I shot back, "And the wars over."

Duo scowled, his long fingers toying with his butter knife.  He seemed to be rolling my words around in his head.  Suddenly, his shoulders slumped, and his characteristic grin returned to his features.  Reaching back, he clasped his hands behind his head.

"You're right, I will talk to her.  Hilde's been dying to go visit, so why the hell not."

Standing up, he began moving towards the door.  Quatre stopped him.

"Duo, you're not going to tell her about last night, are you?"

Duo stood for a moment, scratching the back of his head.  

"Nah, something tells me there are some things that are better left unsaid.  I can't see it helping the cause somehow.  I'll talk to you guys again soon."

He gave a wave of his hand, and was gone.

"Ah, and another insightful visit from the infamous Duo Maxwell."

Quatre gave a slight shake of his head, and grinned at me.  I smiled back.  It was time for me to head home.  Cathy would be wondering what was taking me so long.

******


	6. I can't help it, it's a great film... be...

**If I Were You**

I do not own Gundam Wing.  I am not receiving any financial gain from this fiction.  I mean, come on, do you really think someone would pay to read this! 

Chapter Six 

Walking back into my "dressing room", I collapsed onto a stool and heaved a loud sigh.  Another day, another performance.  Ah, who was I kidding, I loved it. There was nothing like an appreciative crowd to lift your spirits and clear your head.  Unfortunately, this time it did little to clear the current subject of my deliberation.  In the last few days, I had spent a great deal of time thinking of the current situation with Relena…and Heero.

I was torn.  There was no denying that I could understand Heero's uncertainty.  I had seen repeated examples of his low opinion of his own worth.  He had repetitively fought each battle in the wars with no regard for survival.  He placed little value on himself as anything other than a tool of conflict.  

He felt he had no need for friends, nor allies and he did everything he could throughout not to need any of us.  I doubt it occurred to him at any stage that perhaps it was us that needed him.  There was not one of us who did not profit from his influence at some stage.  We would each have given anything to repay him in kind, if he had only allowed us.  We were his friends though, whether he liked it or not, and a true motley crew we were at that. 

She influenced him though.  I don't think it was love for either of them.  Not at first anyway.  But he was in awe of her, we all were.  Sure, we all had our motivation in support of fighting, some more clear-cut than others.  But when Relena stepped forward with her claims on pacifism, it was with a way of thinking that was so unyielding that there was no denying her resolve.  I didn't realise how short term my reasons for fighting were.  I fought for peace of the colonies, and she struggled for peace for everyone.  She was truly compassionate.    

And she was beautiful.  And smart.  And ecstasy to be around.  She could make even the heartless love her.  Hell, she did make the heartless love her.  Heero and me both.  I groaned and dropped my head into my hands.  I had to stop thinking like this.  She wasn't mine to have.  And the only one who could lay claim to her lacked the nerve to do it.  

One thing was certain though, if he didn't do something soon, I was going to lay my cards on the table.  To hell with it, and to hell with Duo too.  No way was I going to stand by and let her throw everything away on a schmuck like Justin.

There was a rustling of the curtain, and as if on cue, Duo stepped in.

"Tro man! How's things? Another great show, I gotta say."

I glanced up in surprise.  What was it with this guy and his ability to pop out of nowhere?  Maybe he really was the god of death!

"Duo! What brings you here? Nothing wrong I hope?"

"Nah," he replied, leaning against a tent post.  "We were bored, had some time on our hands, so we thought we'd drop by and catch your act. You just about done here? Hilde's dying to say hi."

I looked down at my attire, I was still dressed in costume, but I had to feed the lions, so I figured changing could wait a little longer.  Standing up, I indicated for Duo to lead the way.

Walking outside, we found Hilde standing with an attractive girl with long black hair.  The girl was wearing denim jeans and a dark leather jacket.  A baseball cap was pulled down low over her brow, and dark glasses veiled her eyes.  I did a double take.

"Relena?"

There was a flash of dazzling white teeth, before she pressed a finger to her lips.

"Shhh.." she grinned, pulling down her glasses "You'll blow my cover."

I glanced around, looking for the prerequisite body guards, and was surprised to see none.  Relena watched me with an amused glint in her eye.  Giggling she offered me her hand.

"Why hello, I don't believe we've been introduced.  My names Anna, Anna.. er.. Scott."

Hilde suddenly burst into peals of laughter, while Duo just grinned like a maniac.  

"Lena, babe, you really have watched that movie too many times."

Relena pouted, crossing her arms and pointing that cute turned up nose of hers in the air.

"I can't help it, it's a great film…besides, it's a classic."  She shot me an almost wounded look, after spying my somewhat incredulous look.  

"Don't tell me you've never seen Notting Hill?" Her face suddenly lit up, and I almost expected to see one of those light bulbs appear above her head, like you see in the comics.

"You must come around tonight, we can watch it in the home theatre! Hilde, don't you think that would be the most wonderful way to spend the evening? Popcorn, ice cream, romantic film?" 

Hilde nodded with enthusiasm, before turning to look expectantly at Duo, who rolled his eyes at me.

"Well, Tro, what do you think? Want to join me in sap hell? That's about as formal an invitation as you're gonna get."

I deliberated quickly.  Okay, so I didn't have the most jam packed social calendar, so availability was hardly a problem.  And, what the hell, I figured I could tolerate two hours of some schmaltzy pre-colony film, in exchange for popcorn.  Hey maybe I could even negotiate for pizza. Plus the look Duo was giving me looked just borderline of begging.  What can I say; I'm a merciful kind of guy.

"Sure," I shrugged, "Sounds like fun.  I've got a couple of jobs to finish first, though, and I guess I should change."  Hilde nudged Relena, before replying with a smirk,

"Oh I don't know, I think you look fine.  I'm all for you coming dressed just as you are."

Relena giggled again, while Duo shot Hilde a filthy look.

"Um yeah, Trowa, maybe you should think about putting a shirt on."

I looked on in amusement as the girls fell about themselves and Duo watched his girlfriend with an expression mixed between sulkiness and laughter.  I turned back towards the tent, intending to leave my companions to wait for me.  Duo, however, was quick to follow, and it became evident he had something on his mind.

He managed to remain silent until we reached the lion pens, however, a feat which in itself amazed me.  He leaned against the cage, watching me as I proceeded through my familiar routine.  Finally I turned to face him, 

"What's on your mind Duo?" 

A brief flash of relief crossed his face, obviously glad that I had sought to begin the conversation.  He folded his arms across his chest, and began his narrative by addressing his torso.

"I'm a bit…I don't know what…" he frowned, seeming to gather his thoughts before finally looking at me.  I took a wild guess.

"Did Heero come back?" Duo looked at me with surprise, his expression already answering my question.  He nodded slowly.

"Uh, yeah.  He was waiting at my flat when I got home yesterday.  Sober too, thank god.  Still a mess though.  I know I said it the other day, but I've never seen him like this.  Shit it was good to see him again, but Trowa, he's not happy.  Still not very talkative, but it was pretty clear that this whole Relena and Justin thing is getting to him big time.  He didn't stay for very long, he kept pacing the room like he was one of these guys," Duo said, indicating his head towards the big cats.

"He asked me what I thought about the new couple, whether it was serious.  I said I didn't know, that it was too early to tell.  I swear to god, Trowa, the guys' whole complexion was green.  Clashed really badly with his hair.  I told him he had no one to blame but himself.  That if he hadn't left Relena waiting for so long, she would be with him and not some suit wearing, palm greasing dweeb.  I asked him if he loved her."

"And?" I demanded, "What did he say?"

"Nothing, although he looked a bit sheepish.  Well, sheepish for Heero anyway.  We both know that's as good as a yes."

"So what the hell's stopping him then?"

Duo shook his head in frustration and began kneading his hands together in agitation.  

"Well, that was what completely astounded me, man.  He doesn't think SHE loves HIM.  The guy's got the worst inferiority complex I've seen in my life.  I even told him, straight to his face, that she loves him, that she's waited all this time for him.  He wouldn't have a bar of it.  He reckons I'm just saying it to piss him off.  Make up for all the times he threatened to kill me.  He got really crazy then, stormed out and slammed the door so hard I thought it was going to come of the hinges.  Damned if I know what he's going to do now."

Duo let out a loud sigh, and scratched at the back his head.

"I haven't said anything to Relena, don't know if I should.  But should we be worried?"

I shook my head.

"I can't see any reason to warn her.  Heero would never hurt her.  As for telling her how he _appears_ to feel, that's not up to us.  We can't go getting her hopes up, just when she's made the choice to move on."

"But.." Duo interrupted.  Giving him a level stare, I continued,

"He has to do this himself.  If he wants our help, he'll have to ask for it.  If we get wrapped up trying to force them together, someone's heart is going to get broken.  Again.  If the fates decide that this match is meant to be, then it will be, whether or not we stick our noses into it."

The American stood silently, watching me meditatively.

"And do you actually believe in fate Trowa?"

Turning away from the cages, and moving back towards my trailer, I replied softly,

"Yes…I do."

*******


	7. And the guys give me a hard time about M...

If I Were You

I do not own Gundam Wing.  Blah, Blah, Blah…. let's change the subject before I sink into the pits of despair… Oh yeah, and I don't own Notting Hill either… but that's just stating the obvious!

Chapter Seven 

The man watched her silently, as she read the plaque on the park bench.

"'For June, who loved this garden, From Joseph, who always sat beside her' - Some people do spend their whole lives together." The leading lady said softly, just as a melodious love song began playing in the background.

I gazed intently at the leading man's rather odd hairstyle.  And the guys give me a hard time about MY hair.  Tipping my head to the side, I flinched as I was suddenly beaned on the forehead with a piece of popcorn.  Glancing over in the direction the projectile had originated from, I saw a grinning Relena inclining her head towards Duo and Hilde.  I gave a small smile at the picture the two made.  So much for his protests about sappy films.  Duo had Hilde pulled tightly against him, and he was watching the film with avid intensity.  Before me sat a couple that cemented every reason I had for believing in Fate.

Speaking of interesting ways to watch movies, I glanced back over at Relena.  I was seriously considering asking her if she would like the contortionist role at the circus.  I'd assumed that her home had a theatre due to her high profile preventing normal cinema visits, but now I doubted she would actually be able to watch a movie in a normal seated position.  

At this moment she was sprawled in a large armchair, one leg thrown over the arm of the chair and the other hooked over the chairs back.  This effectively meant her head was pointing towards the floor.  I was waiting for either all the blood to rush to her face or for her to choke on her popcorn.  Neither had happened yet and I was coming to the conclusion that she had had a lot of practice.  I wondered if anyone had bothered telling her that Princesses and political figureheads weren't supposed to be that comfortable.  

Comfort was soon interrupted, however, when the sound of a mobile phone broke our reverie.  Giving a loud groan, Relena rolled off her chair and reached to answer the call, leaving the monitor turned off.

"Hello, Dorlian Residence."  

There was a pause from the other end of the line, before a slightly familiar voice responded.

"Relena?"

Sitting up straight, an almost guilty flush spreading across her cheeks, Relena glanced at each of us before replying,

 "Justin! Hello! I wasn't expecting you to call.  How is the colony tour going?"

I watched her with curiosity, particularly the sudden change in her posture.  She sat almost hunched, and her light and enthusiastic tone was obviously forced.  Her right hand strayed to her chin, and she began to knead her bottom lip with her thumb.

"Yes, yes, it's going as well as can be expected I guess.  That's why I called, I'm afraid we'll be a few days late…." Justin's crisp, pretentious tenor suddenly came to a halt.

"Relena, why is the monitor turned off?"

"Oh, er," Relena seemed to cast around for a moment, searching for an excuse.

"A few of the girls came around, and we were just watching a film in the theatre.  I didn't want the monitor light to distract them." She winced at what she thought was a very lame excuse.  Looking towards Duo, I noticed that his expression mirrored my incredulous look.  He cocked an eyebrow at me, and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I got your flowers.  Thank you, they were beautiful." Relena said, apparently looking to change the subject. 

"I'm glad.  Listen, I must go, but I'll see you soon? I love you."

This time Relena really did wince.  My eyebrows shot up in surprise.  What was going on?  Shooting me a indecipherable look, she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead and replied,

"Oh yes, of course…me too.  Bye then?"

Justin returned her farewell before disconnecting the call.  Turning back towards us, she gave a sheepish grin, before throwing herself back into her seat.  Glancing over at Duo, who was looking at her in bewilderment she explained,

"Sorry guys, he just…gets a bit touchy when I mention that I'm hanging around with you.  I don't know, he just gets…jealous."

Duo opened his mouth, apparently confused.

"Oh this is my favourite part!" she exclaimed, making it quite clear that any more prying comments were not welcome.  

******

After that evening, we just seemed to keep bumping into each other.  Justin was often away, due to work commitments, while Relena's work was currently keeping her in the vicinity of home.  On more than one occasion I found myself in the company of the lovely Anna Scott.  Although the circus had begun travelling again, I couldn't seem to stay away. I tried numerous excuses – I didn't want her to get lonely, with Justin travelling so much.  Or I just liked taking my bike for long road trips.  Duo still lived nearby, and I wanted to keep in touch.   I wanted to be there in case Heero made an appearance.  But the truth just kept slapping me in the face; she brightened up my life. When I was with her, I barely remembered an empty past bearing the name Nanashi.  There was never a moment when she didn't make me feel like I belonged, and no one other than Cathy had ever made me feel that way. The Justin situation, however, confused me.  The media latched on to the new couple, and there was rarely a women's magazine that was not holding them up as the personification of the perfect couple.  Speculation was rife, when would the wedding of the year take place?  But those of us closest to Relena were left scratching our heads.  Some things just didn't make sense. The night we watched movies at her home was not the only time that she failed to disclose our visits to her boyfriend.  When Duo or myself questioned her about it she tried to change the subject, or simply replied that she didn't want to face his moody silences whenever he thought she might be spending too much time with people below her social status.  I thought he sounded like a spoilt brat.  And a snob. I was aware that Justin knew nothing of our pasts, and what linked us to Relena.  It shouldn't have mattered though.  I watched the man closely, trying to understand why she was with him.  He was an attractive enough man; with security and ambition it's true.  But it was on closer inspection that it occurred to me.  He was the complete opposite of Heero.  From his solid, almost heavy build, to his neatly fashioned hair, to his deep brown eyes.  He spoke with the manners of a diplomat, one that would send soldiers to fight with no courage to take up the battle himself.  He posed, and he preened but for all his convictions, his words were empty.  And I had little doubt that Relena was aware of this.  

I wished I could understand what was going through her mind.  Part of me wondered if Justin was simply a prop, proof for Heero that she had indeed moved on.  I wondered if perhaps she had hoped that the new addition to her private life would force her shadow to appear, perhaps to beg her forgiveness.  But if this was the plan, it held little fruition.  

*****

In mid February, on the day that all florists live for, I received a visit from Anna Scott, who claimed that a day locked in her office had driven her to near distraction and that she had possessed an overwhelming urge to eat cotton candy.  I told her it must have been a true distraction indeed if it had led her to drive 350km.  Obtaining the required contraband for her, we went and found a comfortable patch of grass, under a shady tree.

Resting with my back against the tree, I watched her tearing half-heartedly at the fluffed up sugar.  She watched with fascination, as my troupe companions worked away around the circus grounds.  She gave a contented sigh.

"You have the most wonderful lifestyle," she murmured "So much colour and excitement and variety.  I would so much like to have your lifestyle."

The thought flashed through my mind that she could come and join my life anytime she liked.  But I knew that circus life would hold little challenge for her, and that she had far more value in other areas.  But I couldn't help but entertain the thought for a little longer.  It certainly wouldn't be the first time.  I smiled to myself.  She'd look great in one of those leotards….

Mentally giving myself a slap in the back of the head, I forced myself to change the subject.  

"So, isn't Justin going to take you out tonight? Being St Valentines Day and all?"

Relena grimaced, and I knew her answer even before she had spoken it.

"No, he's travelling with the President again and won't be back until tomorrow.  We might do something then." 

Relena paused, laying the packet of candy on the grass, and leaning back on her hands.  She sat there for a few moments, seeming to gaze at the tendrils of light that peeked through the leaves above us.  

"When I woke up this morning," she began, "I found that someone had scattered rose petals all over my floor."

She looked across at me, gauging my reaction.  Seeing none forth coming, she continued.  

"There was a dozen red roses on the stand by my bed, and this," she opened the top button of her shirt, "was hanging on my mirror."

Around her neck was a delicate diamond, shaped in the perfect outline of a teardrop.  She shook her head.

"When Justin called at lunchtime, I was about to thank him, when he started apologising for not getting me anything.  He had lost track of the dates."

I was at a loss for words.  What the Hell?  I tried to envision Heero tiptoeing around in the dark, scattering petals.  I wasn't succeeding.  But there was no other explanation.  I was rapidly reaching the conclusion that he had to be going nuts.  

"I've got a great idea!" Relena suddenly exclaimed.

I looked at her in surprise, waiting for her to make a dramatic change of topic.

"I'm proclaiming that, as of today, we will not mention the name Heero Yuy."

Okay, different turn of events.  This did not bode well.  

"Uh yeah, sure Lena, if you want."

For a moment, Relena's face fell.

"No, it's not really.  But it would make things easier, don't you think?"

She stared off into space again.  

"Well," I ventured "If you're obviously not booked tonight, can I interest you in dinner with L3's most eligible clown?"

Relena's face broke into a huge grin.

"Trowa, I thought you would never ask."

******

And so time passed.  The seasons changed, but little else did.  Duo was convinced that it had indeed been Heero who had left the gifts for Relena and was now waiting with bated breath.  He was convinced that his friend would soon give in and make his move.  I didn't think it was that simple.  

But as days blended into weeks, and then weeks into months, even Duo seemed to lose heart.  As stated, Relena did indeed refuse to talk about it.  I doubted that failing to acknowledge his existence would help in the slightest.  But who was I to press the subject.  

So I had reservations when a rather tense Minister called me, early in June, asking me to come and see her.  She would send a plane to collect me, so it left little suspicion that something was definitely up.

Arriving at her home late in the evening, I found Relena in her room, agitated and seemingly exhausted.  Seeing me come in, however, she fixed on her best meet and greet face. This put me on my guard at once. She never used that expression with her friends  

I looked around the room, hoping to spot something out of place, some clue.  But everything was immaculate.  Well, everything except a small teddy bear that was resting upside down in a corner.  It looked like it had been thrown there.  Glancing back at Relena, I saw that she was standing rather poised, in the centre of the room.  Taking a deep breath, she blurted,

"Justin's asked me to marry him."

*****


	8. I thought you were my friend! You're sup...

**If I Were You**

Once upon a time there was a fan girl called Mel…she didn't own Gundam Wing and didn't make any financial gain from the meagre little ficcy's that she wrote.  She hoped that the people, who did own Gundam Wing, wouldn't sue her.  The End.

Chapter Eight 

I was bewildered.  I was aware that the situation definitely required some form of reaction on my part.  But I was drawing up blanks.  I had predicted that a proposal was inevitable, but what can I say, there's always room for hope…isn't there?

"Umm," Okay, I was grasping at straws, "Congratulations?"

Relena's mouth dropped open, and a flush began to spread across her cheeks.  

"What? That's it?  A wooden 'Congratulations' is all you have to say?"

Her eyebrows drew together in an indignant frown, and I practically cringed at the sparks that were flashing in her eyes.

"I thought you were my friend! You're supposed to be happy for me!  Justin is perfect for me! He loves me.  He'll look after me.  He understands my career, and what my needs are.  It's what everyone is expecting, and I'll be secure, with someone I can grow old with.  You're supposed to be happy for me!" 

Her tirade of words had become increasingly louder as she progressed, and her last declaration seemed to be wrenched out with a sob.  She raised shaking hands to her face, pressing her fingertips to her forehead.  It was then that I noticed the bare digits, unadorned of any trinkets, and I understood.

"You said no," I almost breathed the words, but not so softly that she did not hear me.  

My heart ached as I watched her face crumple, as she nodded her affirmative.  The action seemed to remove every last vestige of strength from her, and I rushed forward to catch her, as she slumped down onto the carpet.  I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close, feeling her body tremor as she gave great, gasping sobs.  

We sat for a little while, as I waited for Relena to shed the tears that I suspected had not been shed for some time.  I could feel the front of my shirt becoming progressively damper, and I stroked her hair softly, hoping it might have the same calming influence it always had on my lionesses.  

"I'm such a fool." The words rose from my chest, soft and forlorn, and she sniffled before straightening up.  Her face was pale, cheek stained with tears.  She winced in apology as she uncurled her fingers from the tight grip she had had on my shirt, and moved to sit back.  I could see that she was struggling to regain some composure, and I wished desperately to place her at ease.

Reaching across, I cupped her cheek in my hand, wiping at her still damp skin with my thumb.  

"You're not a fool, Relena.  Others are fools… but not you.  Do you want to talk about it?"

Relena blinked back at me, considering my question and perhaps trying to decide where to start.

"Well," she gave a slightly nervous laugh, "It wasn't the greatest proposal for a start.  He made it sound more like a business merger.  'Relena, you know I love you, and the next few months are promising to be a little less hectic than in the past, so don't you think it would be a good time for us to get married?'" 

I couldn't help but grin slightly at the way Relena mimicked the diplomats' deep voice and pompous tone.  Good God! The guy really didn't have a clue.  Relena leant towards me with a conspiratorial air and whispered,

"And I know this will sound terribly shallow, but the ring was SO ugly! I guess not everyone can have Heero's taste." Relena's hand drifted unconsciously to the pendant that still hung around her neck.  I privately thought that the ring had very little influence on her decision.  Relena cleared her throat.

"Anyway, I said no… and Justin wanted to know why."

"And what did you say?" I was intrigued.  Relena simply shrugged, her head down as she plucked at the carpet.

"I told him I didn't love him.  That I loved someone else.  I said that I couldn't commit my life to someone when I couldn't commit my heart.  He asked me why I wasn't with this 'other' person, if I loved him so much and I said that it wasn't as simple as that.  He got very angry.  He told me I was a fool… that I would regret turning him down.  He hollered and carried on for a while and then he left.  Thankfully."

Looking up from the floor, she looked steadily into my eyes.  

"Why does he play these games with me Trowa? I love him; I'd do anything to be with him.  He does all these little things, to get my attention or to torment me, I don't know, but I have yet to see him.  He hides from me, ducking in and out of the shadows like a thief.  Is it because he doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me?"

I jumped with shock, as suddenly Relena pulled off her shoe, throwing it with vehemence at the opposite wall.  It bounced across the floor, closely followed by the other.  I looked on in open-mouthed shock, as the Foreign Minister leapt to her feet, and began pacing the room, her posture rigid and aggressive.

"Damn him Trowa, damn him to hell.  I hope his life is as miserable as he's making mine right now.  If there's a fool in this scenario, it's him!  The big Jerk! Who does he think he is anyway! Why can't he just leave me alone?  I asked him to leave me alone. That I didn't want his stupid protection…but could he? Huh? Could he just bugger off and let me get on with my life? Nooooo, he has to keep up with the silent vigil BULLSHIT!" 

My eyes widened in shock at Relena's sudden ranting and bad language, before I impulsively ducked as she picked up a vase and watched in satisfaction as it whizzed across the room and exploded against the wall.  Jumping to my feet, I grabbed Relena by the shoulders, thinking to calm her down.  So it took me by surprise when I found her arms suddenly flung around my neck in a firm embrace.  

"Lena, I wish I knew what was going on in Heero's head, I really do.  I wish I could tell you that everything was going to work out, but I can't.   You did make the right decision tonight, though, I do know that much.  You should always do what your heart tells you, and you did.  This cannot end in sorrow."

Relena smiled softly up at me, and I could see the anger drain from her.  Loosening her arms she stepped back and glanced at the remains of the vase, which were now scattered around the floor in a fascinating pattern of debris.  

"Pagan is going to KILL me," she groaned.

******

At breakfast the next morning, Relena told me with some excitement that both Quatre and Wufei would be arriving in town the following day.  Quatre was in the area on business (what else) and Wufei for work.  It took little convincing, to get me to stay on for a few more days.  

Walking Relena to the door, I thought ahead with some enthusiasm to the impending visit from my friends.  Relena stopped on the front step and turned to give me another of her affectionate embraces, before kissing me on the cheek.

"I always seem to be thanking you for something Trowa.  So thank you again."

I smiled down at her.

"Any time Lena, any time."

I crossed my arms and leant against the doorframe, as I watched her skip down the steps and climb into the waiting limo.  

As the vehicle moved off down the drive and out the gate, I failed to see the cameraman that sat concealed in the bushes, frantically taking photos.

******


	9. What the hell is Heero going to have to ...

**If I Were You**

Yes, that's right, I don't own Gundam Wing…. blah, blah, blah.

Chapter Nine 

Sitting comfortably on a deck chair, I flipped casually through the book I had commandeered from Relena's library and settled in to soak up the mid morning sun.  The house was quiet, with Relena at work, although she hoped to get home at a reasonable time to greet her guests when they arrived that evening.  Zac lay stretched out on the ground beside me, the large dog periodically letting out a loud snore.  Great watch dog.

I guess it was a combination of the sun's warm rays, and the fact that I had sat up for most of the night talking to Relena, but I had soon dozed off.  So it was with some surprise that I was awoken by the heavy thud of a newspaper being dropped into my lap.  Blinking, I looked up to see myself surrounded by three somewhat stern faces.

"Guys! Hi! You're early!"  My voice gradually petered off, as it became evident that the visit was not particularly social.  

"Is there something you think you should be telling us Trowa?" Duo ground out from between clenched teeth.  Quatre gave Duo a worried glance, before returning his attention to me,

"Have you read today's papers?" I gave a brief shake of my head, bewildered.  Quatre sighed, pointing to the folded tabloid I was now holding. 

"Well I think maybe you should."

**Virgin Princess or Ice Queen?**

The sensationalist headline seemed to leap off the page, discriminatory and cruel.  A large photo of Relena, from her short reign as Queen, was printed below it.  My heart sank, and I dropped my hand to my forehead.  

"A heart broken Justin Freeland will be travelling with the President today, after being thoughtlessly tossed aside by former love, Minister for Foreign Affairs Relena Dorlian.  Speaking exclusively to The Inquiry, Mr Freeland told of his impassioned proposal to girlfriend of six months, Dorlian;

'I loved her.  It seemed inevitable that we would move on to a permanent commitment.  I knew we hadn't consummated the relationship, but I had always thought she was saving herself for marriage. But when refusing my hand, she informed me that she had a lover, and that she had been with him since before our relationship had started…." 

I stopped reading, sick to my stomach.  The lying bastard.  The bitter, evil bastard.  Seeing that I had stopped reading, Duo suddenly leaned forward, almost tearing the paper, as he abruptly turned to the next page.

"Keep reading Buddy, it's not finished yet!"

Quatre glanced nervously at Duo,

"Duo, calm down, I'm sure there's an explanation…"

My heart stopped, literally stopped, before it seemed to drop into my shoes.  The photos were grainy, shadowed, and almost amateur in their quality.  But there was no denying the subjects.

One shot showed Relena sitting by her pool, having lotion rubbed into her shoulders, another obviously taken with a long lens camera showed her locked in a tight embrace in front of her bedroom window.  Another one showed her giving an apparently fond farewell on her front doorstep.   And the last, clearest shot, showed the offending male, in full view, leaning against the doorframe.  The photos were certainly damning… and there was no denying that they were indeed of me.

The story did not paint me in a favourable light.  Justin's pitiful story went on to tell,

"Relena even went on to flaunt him in front of me, when she introduced him to me at a New Years Benefit we attended last year, before abandoning me to dance with him, and then disappearing with him for sometime.  I never suspected anything, I mean, she never gave me a reason to suspect anything… but now, looking back…"

I groaned loudly, before resting my head in my hands.

"What are you trying to do man? What the hell have you been up to? What about Heero?" Duo's voice was gradually rising in volume, and his stance betrayed his agitation.  Quatre placed a consoling hand on Duo's shoulder.

"That's enough, Duo, I'm sure it's not what it looks like.  It's not what it looks like is it Trowa?"

"Humph," snorted Wufei "I hope it IS what it looks like.  Heero has acted without honour.  He does not deserve to have one such as Relena waiting for him."

Quatre and I looked at Wufei in complete astonishment.  I shook my head in denial, part of me annoyed that Duo could even think that Relena and I were more than friends.

"Of course it's not true!  And considering your own recent experience with tabloids, Duo, I would have thought you would be the last person to believe this rubbish." 

I shook the offending article at him, as Duo flushed at the memory of the engagement ring/elopement fiasco.  With a flick of the wrist, I sent the newspaper sailing across the patio, where it landed with a satisfying splash in the pool.

  "We're friends.  That's all.  She's still devoted to Heero.  The only reason I'm here is because she needed a shoulder to cry on after she dumped that moron Justin.  I'm still here now because you guys were coming and she thought it would be good for us to all catch up.  That rubbish," I pointed to the now soggy paper that floated on the water surface, "Was partly right.  She turned him down because she loved someone else, she didn't tell him who.  He jumped to his own conclusions, and used them to try and drag her name through the mud."

Looking up at my friends I was surprised to see Wufei appeared almost disappointed, while Quatre slightly embarrassed.  Duo's expression was set in a more or less sulky pout, his arms crossed, as he scuffed the ground with his toe.  There was movement at the veranda doorway, as Pagan stepped out, drawing our attention.  

"If you would excuse me gentlemen, but Miss Relena will be returning home in a few moments, and I was hoping that you might assist her in making a path through the freshly gathered media personnel."

As we all made to carry out the elderly gentleman's request, I was surprised when he stopped me with a raised hand.

"Meaning no disrespect, Sir, but I believe it may be in everyone's best interests if you refrained from venturing again into the spotlight."

I grimaced, seeing at once that Pagan had a point.  Duo glanced across at Wufei, before indicating for me to stay where I was.  

"Hey, it's cool, 'Fei and I'll go.  Quatre, you stay here and keep an eye on lover boy."

Watching the two stride back into the house, I had a sinking feeling that Duo, while believing that nothing had happened between Relena and myself, was unconvinced it was from a lack of trying on my part.  Was I that transparent?

"You know, you're not the first and you won't be the last, to have these feelings for her Trowa."

Oh Hell.  I was that transparent.  I was definitely slipping.  I shot Quatre a questioning look, and he gave me a self-conscious smirk in reply, blushing slightly.  

"What can I say, she has that effect."

I grinned at Quatre, letting out a weak laugh.

"Yeah, and absolutely no idea." I sighed, picking up the novel I had been reading earlier and turning it in my hands.  

"What is it that makes her hold on Quatre? What is it about Heero that binds her to him?"

Quatre frowned slightly, giving my question serious consideration.

"Trowa, we're talking about someone who has single-mindedly pursued peace for how many years now? Why is it so surprising that she is as equally stubborn about whom she loves? Relena is not fickle, she never has been.  This claim of following your emotions, well, she is the one amongst us who truly has done that.  And she is not afraid to be true to herself.

To be honest, I don't think Relena even knows what she wants, needs, from Heero.  She's not looking for a Knight on a White charger to sweep her off like in some fairy tale.  She's in control of her own future, and she doesn't need a man in her life to define who she is.  

This is the mistake Heero is making.  He thinks he isn't worthy of her, that by being with her, he'll somehow tarnish her.  He thinks that all he has to offer her is his protection, but he has no idea that the protection she wants is completely different.  This is a match that transcends social stature or stereotype.  They are different, but those differences complement each other.  But they are also the same.  They're kindred spirits, my friend.  And it wouldn't matter what circumstances had thrown them together, fate would have been sure they found each other.  

She love's him.  And I have no doubt that he loves her.  Nothing anyone else does is going to change that.  Things will work out.  You'll see."

I stared at Quatre.  I had forgotten just how perceptive he was.  I just wished I had his faith.  As much as I loved her, I only wanted her to be happy.  I prayed that Heero would quit fighting the inevitable and take up the challenge.  I looked across at the swimming pool, watching the ruined paper that still floated there.

"What the hell is Heero going to have to say about this?"  I muttered.

"Probably the same thing he's had to say about everything else that's happened to me in the last five years… absolutely nothing."

Relena's tone was brisk and to the point, matching her stride as she appeared suddenly through the patio doors.  Setting her briefcase down on the table with a thump, she turned to look at the semi-circle of ex-Gundam pilots that stood before her.

"Trowa, I am so sorry that I've got you into this.  I have every intention of getting this rubbish straightened out.  But first," she swung an extremely stern look on Duo and pointed an irate finger at the Americans breastbone. 

"It's been brought to my attention that you've been keeping a few 'details' from me.  I think it's time you coughed up the information.  I've just managed to clear up a very busy afternoon to hear this, so you'd better make it good."

And giving an admirable impression of a fuming schoolteacher, she pointed us in the direction of her office.  As we made our way inside, I could hear Wufei mutter mutinously,

"Maxwell, you are in SO much trouble."


	10. Hey, don't look at me. I had nothing to ...

**If I Were You**

I don't own Gundam Wing…. What? Is there an echo in here?

Chapter 10 

Standing in a solemn line in front of the Minister's desk, we watched and waited to hear what Relena had to disclose.  Glaring up at us, she clasped her hands together, almost appeared to fight the urge to strangle someone.  Duo cleared his throat nervously.  I remembered his comment once, on how he would sooner face Heero's wrath any day, than Relena's.  

"At least Heero would just kill you, and get it over with.  Pacifist, my foot!" He had grumbled.  

"Since when did Heero turning up at your place intoxicated, rate as a non-event in your books Duo?" Relena asked sweetly, her chin resting on her intertwined fingers in a deceptively tranquil fashion.  

Dipping one hand into her jacket pocket, she pulled out a familiar diamond pendant, which she laid casually on the desktop.  Duo shot a desperate glance at Quatre, who returned it with a grimace.

"I know Heero left this.  What I want to know is what you had to do with it?"

Leaning back in her seat, she crossed her arms, and waited.

"Well, Lena, it's like this, well, that is…" Duo shot Quatre another look, which Relena noticed, turning to Quatre with her eyebrows raised.  The blonde man flushed, self consciously clearing his throat.

"It was only partly my idea…." He began, guilt flashing across his features, "Heero wanted to know what would get your attention…I only suggested the pendant… he thought of the rest…" his voice gradually faded off, as he shot Duo a dirty look.

I shook my head, giving a sigh.

"I thought we decided we weren't going to…." I stopped abruptly as I suddenly noticed Relena's hard stare.  She glanced across at Wufei, who was simply shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hey, don't look at me.  I had nothing to do with this debacle."

Relena groaned, dropping her head into her hands.

"And at exactly what time did my private life become a game to you? I think, perhaps, we should start from the beginning."

"Relena," began Quatre, who was then fixed with a very hard stare.

"From the beginning, Quatre.  When did you first see him again?" she glared at Duo, and waited.

"New Years." Duo mumbled.  Relena waved her hand, entreating him to continue.

"He went to the ball, to watch over you.  As he does," Duo rolled his eyes.

"He saw you with another guy, and he sort of… got drunk."

Relena shook her head slowly.

"But Duo, if he's been watching me as closely as it seems, he would have already known about Justin.  Why would seeing me with him at the ball make a difference?"

Duo shook his head.

"It wasn't Justin he was worried about.  He knows you, Lena, and he knew you'd give that slime ball the flick, even if you did take a little longer than we thought.  No, Heero got upset when he saw you dancing…" he pointed an accusing finger at me,  "with him." 

"What the hell are you talking about Duo?" I exclaimed.  "You told me yourself that it was Justin.  What in god's name has this got to do with me?"

"When Heero turned up at Duo's place, he was so inebriated, that Duo thought his jealous ramblings were about Justin." Quatre paused, glancing across at me.  "They weren't, they were about Trowa."

"Okay, now you're losing me." Murmured Relena, her gaze flicking between Duo, Quatre and myself.

"Well, it wasn't like he gave me a name," protested Duo "pretty much the only thing I could make out was that it had something to do with Relena.  So when I saw the paper the next day, I just, kinda… assumed."

"But then Heero came back a few days later, in a more coherent state apparently." Interrupted Quatre.  Duo shrugged sheepishly.

"Relena, he really loves you…."

"Did he tell you that Duo? Or is this just another 'assumption?'" inquired Relena.

Quatre cut short Duo's explanation. 

"Relena, Heero does love you.  And as misguided and incorrect as it may seem, he is truly trying to look out for your best interests." 

Relena gave an inelegant snort, earning a raised eyebrow from Wufei and Duo.

The blonde entrepreneur ran his fingers through his tousled locks, obviously trying to formulate the best method to get his point across.

"Look at this from Heero's perspective.  You are the Foreign Minister.  You are the head of the Sanq Kingdom Monarchy, as well as the former Queen of the World.  Whether you like it or not, you are held up as a beacon to all those that hope for peace.  You have long been placed on a pedestal, Relena, and the one Heero has placed you on is the highest of them all.

To us, he's a champion, the warrior that saved the Earth from destruction.  No one could be more deserving of your love.  He was courageous, selfless and dedicated to what he believed was his only purpose in life; to obstruct those that possessed power and sought to abuse it.  He was completely single minded in that quest, Relena, but I doubt he genuinely believed that we would ever experience success.  Not until he met you.  And you gave him hope."

Relena nodded softly.

"But basically, what you're trying to tell me, is that he doesn't think he's good enough for me? Quatre, that's all very well and good, but it doesn't explain why my 'friendship' with Trowa is worrying him so much."

"Because Trowa is his equal.  Their backgrounds are the same, as is their history.  He sees all the time you've been spending with him, and begins to question his convictions.  Why should Trowa be receiving all your free time, when it should be him?  He's been gone for five years, trying to understand who he is…. what place he has in this new world.  But he has yet to determine what place a former assassin has in the life of a World leader."

"And maybe he's being an over analytical ass." Relena snapped.  

"Has it occurred to any of you, with all your plotting, scheming and bickering," at this she shot a scathing glance at Duo, who flushed, "that I might actually have an opinion on all of this.  Fine, Heero needed to learn more about himself.  But what about the rest of us?    

Maybe I could have done with his support.  His friendship.  I'm not some weak little female that needs to be protected from herself.  I'm perfectly capable of deciding what's best for me, thank you very much.  So you can tell him that Duo, next time you run into the Boy Wonder."

Obviously chastened by Relena, Duo turned his attention back to me.  

"So, can you honestly tell me you had no intentions in regards to Lena?"

I gave Duo my best blank look.  What was I supposed to say? 'Well you know, I would if I could but…'  

This time Wufei interrupted, 

"For God's sake Maxwell! How much more do we have to discuss this? Have we nothing better to do than discuss someone else's love life?"

"I'll keep that in mind for the next time you come around to unload about your own unrequited love."  Duo actually smirked as Wufei began mouthing at him like a landed trout.  

"Anyway, Trowa, you still haven't answered the question.  You have been spending a hell of a lot of time in the neighbourhood.  Maybe you need to disclose your intentions."

Duo was beginning to get wound up again, and I could feel my own patience wearing thin.

"What is this, the Spanish inquisition?"

"Trowa, nobody expects the Spanish inquisition."  Duo spat.  If the atmosphere hadn't been so tense, the situation would have almost seemed funny.

"Oh that's enough! You're all giving me a head ache," snapped Relena, slapping the palm of her hand down on the desktop. "Duo can you spell? Hmm? Try this one F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Do you know what that spells? Friends.  Which is exactly what Trowa and I are.  All of us are, for that matter.  So why don't you try acting like one!  Now go back to work.  Or even better go home and tell your fiancée you love her.  Because that's the only relationship you need to trouble your little head with. Okay?"

The room went silent, Duo literally stunned speechless.  Suddenly there was a low chuckling, and we all turned in astonishment, to see Wufei's face plastered with a broad grin.  Shaking his head, still chuckling away to himself, he wandered over to the large bookcase at the right of Relena's desk.  After skimming the titles, he pulled out a thick hard covered text, which he handed across to her.

"Have you read this one?" he asked, almost conversationally.

She gazed, slightly bemused, at the non-fiction manuscript in her hands.  The book, containing a very detailed explanation of the conflicts of the last fifty years, including both falls of the Sanq kingdom, the rise and fall of Oz and Romefeller and Operation Meteor, had created a great deal of uproar from both the media and government bodies, when it was released a little over a year before. The authors name had not been disclosed, and the publishers guarded their identity as if their lives depended on it.   

"Yes, oh course I've read it.  Hasn't everyone? It is brilliantly written."

Wufei smiled.

"Well, I'm sure Heero will be very happy to hear you think so.  After all, he wrote it." 

And tipping his hand in a half salute, he made his way out the door, before Relena had time to reply.  Relena looked at her watch.

"Oh I wish the day would just end.  I really don't think I could take too many more surprises."  And with a groan, she hid her face in her hands.

******

I sighed loudly; throwing the bed covers aside and sitting up.  The house seemed quiet, but I could not shift a feeling of uneasiness.  Not bothering to turn on the light, I rummaged around until I had found my jeans.  Quickly dressing, I padded softly towards the door, after checking the glowing digits on the bedside clock.  2am.  

Despite Relena flatly refusing to acknowledge the media hovering ay her front door, they had finally disbanded some five or six hours previous.  Using the excuse that I was still her guest, and that my leaving through the front door would only exacerbate the situation, Relena had had the final say on my remaining in the house.  Duo had been far from happy, but as always, Relena had the last say.  He had even gone to the extreme of offering to stay the night as well.  Relena had simply fixed him with a very hard glare.

"The door is that way Duo.  Go home."

And so Quatre had dragged out a protesting Duo.  Relena seemed to wilt slightly, as she excused herself to 'follow up on a few things', before disappearing into her study.  I somehow doubted that her mind was on anything except what Quatre had told her.  She needed to be alone, so I had wandered off to recover my novel.

I had expected to see her for dinner at least, but was disappointed when Pagan announced that she had retired to bed early.  I could see the concern on the older mans' face, and expected that mine probably mirrored it.  

Creeping down the hallway, I noticed a spill of light coming from under Relena's door.  Scowling, I considered whether I should check on her.  She had probably fallen asleep with the light on.  I tapped softly on the door, waiting for some form of response.

"Relena?" I called softly.

There was no response, but pressing my ear to the door, I was sure I heard the rustle of someone moving around.  Cautiously I pressed the door open, and was startled to find her perched on the end of her bed.  She sat perfectly still, seemingly lost in her thoughts.  Receiving no acknowledgment of my presence, I stepped into the room, coming to stand beside her.

"Relena? Are you okay?"

She tilted her head to look at me, and I was taken back by the image of despair before me.  What had happened?

"Heero sends his regards."

Her voice was flat.  Empty.  I stared at her.

"He came to wish us all the best.  Oh, yes, and 'Congratulations'"

"Congratulations?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Yes, he wanted to congratulate me on doing such a bang up job keeping my private life private.  Apparently I'm only damaging my own reputation so I may as well have fun while I'm at it."

I frowned, trying to think up a new, more satisfying way to curse him.

"When was he here?"

Relena glanced at her watch.

"About an hour ago.  He was in a pretty bad mood.  He had one of those blasted newspapers with him, and started going on about my new plan to go through all the Gundam pilots.  Wanted to now if it was part of some new repayment plan, you know, payment for services rendered.  I tried to explain, but I couldn't get a word in.  He started ranting about my need to slum it, and that if I felt like ruining my character that was my prerogative.  And then he left again."

I was stunned.  It sounded completely out of character for him.  This whole thing obviously had the guy seriously rattled.  Relena sniffled.

"You know the worst thing though Trowa?  The whole time he stood there, saying all those horrible things, all I could think was how much I love him.  And now there's no hope for us."

I opened my mouth to protest, only to be interrupted.

"How could he have believed that Trowa? Without even trying to hear my side of the story?  I so wanted to tell him that it was him that I turned Justin down for, that there was never anyone else.  But I don't think it would have mattered. "

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  I was beginning to think that I should perhaps leave her to get some sleep, and was attempting to think up a tactful way to take my leave.  With everything that had happened in the last few hours, I was actually feeling slightly uncomfortable sitting so close to her.  I was so engrossed in struggling not to notice the warmth of her thigh against mine that the next development took me completely by surprise.   

Reaching up, she gently tilted my face towards her and, before I could react, pressed her lips against mine.  My mind raced.  What was happening here?  Warning bells were going off in my head, and all logic told me that I had to end this.  But my senses betrayed me, lost to the touch of lips that were even softer than I could ever have imagined.  My skin tingled; as I felt her fingers brush lightly against my cheek.  I fought off the overwhelming urge to deepen the kiss; instead I grasped her gently by her shoulders and pushed her away from me.

She glanced up at me, her dazed expression suddenly converting to one of horror.  Her hand flew to her lips, and her complexion took on a deep shade of red.

"Oh Trowa! I'm so sorry…" she whispered, her voice trembling.  I gently took her hand, and ran my fingers down her tear-streaked face.  Her skin was pale, and her eyes shadowed from exhaustion.  

"It's okay Relena.  You're just tired.  You need to get some sleep."

She nodded gently, moving to lie back against the fussily arranged pillows.  As I stood to leave, I was stopped by her soft request.

"Would you stay, Trowa? Just until I fall asleep? I don't want to be alone."  

Slightly surprised (Duo would have a fit), I sat back down beside her.  Finally, stretching out beside her, I watched her quietly, knowing that she would not be able to fight off sleep for long.  Sure enough, her breathing soon began to deepen and her features seemed to relax.  

I had decided that I would have to get back to my own bed, as sleep sought to claim me also, when I found a slim arm flipped across my chest, and a blonde head snuggled against my breast bone.  I sat rigid for a few moments, as I confirmed that Relena was, indeed, still asleep.  Relaxing again, my heart sank as her voice rose softly, unconsciously imparting information I did not want to hear.

"Why couldn't I have met you first?  You'd have taken much better care of my heart."

******


	11. Why couldn't you just keep your filthy h...

**If I Were You**

Yeah, okay already.  I don't own Gundam Wing.  Are you as tired of hearing this, as I am of saying it?

**Chapter Eleven**

I have no idea what woke me, but the first thing I noticed was that the room was now in darkness.  I frowned. Strange, I didn't remember turning the light off.  Relena was still curled up tightly against me; one arm lay around my waist, while her head rested against my shoulder.  In her sleep she had thrown a leg across mine, so her foot was now resting between my calves.  Judging by her obvious deep slumber, she wasn't the one who turned off the light either.  

My eyes now adjusting to the gloom, I could make out Relena's shadowed features.  Her face was peaceful, and I could feel the soft warmth of her breath through my thin cotton shirt.  Carefully, not wanting to wake her, I ran my hand over her hair, enjoying the silky texture.  Softly, feeling not unlike a thief, I pressed my lips to her temple.  I sighed.  I was truly in the presence of an angel.  

Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and my intuition seemed to scream at me.  I listened carefully, sure that I had indeed heard it.  A low, almost predatory growl.  But the room was silent.  I shook my head, no, I hadn't imagined it.  There was someone else in the room.

Gently disentangling myself, I sat up and peered into the shadows at the end of the bed.  Sure enough, my gaze locked with another, the Prussian blue eyes glinting dangerously.  Heero glared silently for a moment, before he leapt up from his crouching position.  Without a sound, he dashed out the open door onto the balcony, where he vaulted effortlessly over the railing to drop onto the grass below.  Without a second thought, I gave chase.

No sooner had my feet touched the ground, however, than an arm shot out to lock itself around my neck.  Fighting back a sense of panic as I fought to breathe, I used my elbow to jab brutally into my assailants' abdomen.  His hold loosened momentarily, and I took the opportunity to wrench myself free.  

Turning to face him, I was not quick enough to block his well-placed fist, as it connected with my jaw.  Allowing my reflexes to take over, I felt my own fist sink deeply into his stomach, listening with some satisfaction as it caused a loud grunt.   

"It's about time you showed your face, you ignorant bastard," I growled, ducking as he took another swing at me.  I could see the unchecked rage in his expression, and I knew that he was fighting with none of his usual calculated method.  

His breathing was harsh, and he was literally trembling with fury.  He spat on the ground, near my feet, as we circled each other.

"Why couldn't you just keep your filthy hands to yourself?" he muttered.

That was it.  My own temper quickening, I chose to use Heero's distracted state to my own advantage.  My left fist made contact solidly with his right cheek, just milliseconds before my right fist slammed into his chin.  Heero stumbled back, his arms rising to shield his face.  Again I claimed my advantage, delivering another three hard punches to his stomach.  

My opponent dropped to one knee, valiantly gasping for air.  I stood over him, my hands clenched at my sides.   I was allowed little time for retrospect, however, as Heero suddenly leapt up at me, his hands making straight for my throat.

Again, my reactions took over, as I grabbed Heero by the front of his shirt and dropped backwards onto the grass, pulling him down with me.  Tucking my knees up to my chin, I planted my feet into his abdomen and flipped him over my head and onto his back.  Before he had a chance to react, I pinned him to the ground.  Reaching in to my back pocket, I retrieved my trusty flick knife and pressed it against his throat.

"I should just kill you now, Heero, for all the misery you've caused her."

"Go ahead, do it," Heero ground out, "You've got the only thing I live for anyway."

I blinked at him, the air of defeat in his countenance so extreme it left me stunned. He glared back at me, his gaze unwavering, as he took long and laboured breaths.

"Damn you Trowa, you could have anyone, why did you have to take her?" Heero's tone was thick, agonizing, as he seemed to struggle internally with his emotions.  

Loosening my hold on the front of his shirt, I moved away from him, still holding the blade in front of me, its' glinting edge warning him not to try anything.  Reaching up, I wiped the trickle of blood from the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Someone has to, Heero, or do you truly wish to curse her to a life without the love she deserves?  Why did you come back again tonight anyway?"

"I made her cry." Whispered Heero.  I bit back a surge of anger.

"You've been making her cry for the last five years, Heero.  What do you care if you did it again?" I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down.

"She's the greatest woman I've ever met, Heero.  But she is human, and all humans have a weakness.  And you just happen to be hers."

Heero hung his head, his hands, resting on his knees, were clenched together so tightly I could see the knuckles turning white.

"I told her she should forget about me.  That we simply weren't meant to be.  That she would soon forget.  But I simply couldn't forget about her."

I shook my head at him, feeling a deep pity, not only for my beleaguered friend, but also for myself. 

"I love her Heero, I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.  She is God's gift, but not to me.  I know I can never have her, even if you were to refuse the one true thing to ever walk in to your life.  She doesn't love me, not that way, but I will do everything in my power to prevent you from hurting her again.  Maybe you really do want to go back up there to try and make amends.  Maybe you'll finally get the guts to tell her how you REALLY feel.  But I can't let you.  I'm not letting you go anywhere until you prove to ME that you deserve her.  And if you can't do that, you may as well leave now."

Heero stared at me, the uncertainty obvious on his normally impassive features.

"I want to hear you say it Heero."

He blinked at me, confused, but I knew he understood my meaning.  He looked down at the grass again.  

"I love her."

His voice rose soft, dejected. 

"Say it like you mean it, for fuck's sake Yuy!" I barked, my patience truly worn through.  Heero raised his head, and he locked me with his fierce glare.

"I LOVE HER." 

He fixed me with a defiant stare, as if challenging me to contradict his impassioned declaration.  Slowly, I released the breath I had not even been aware I was holding.  I nodded slowly.

"Yes Heero, you do.  Now tell me why."

Heero blinked at me.

"And don't give me the usual line about her purity and hope.  We both know it goes deeper than that."

I watched Heero closely, as he fidgeted and appeared to consider his answer.  I knew that this was hard for him.  I doubted that he had admitted as much to himself, let alone any one else.  

"Speak up," I admonished him, as he began to reply in a hushed mumble.  He frowned at me, and began again.

"I love the way she reads the last page of a book first.  I love how she always notices the little things without missing the big picture.  I love the way she never forgets people's names, and that when she asks someone how they are, it's because she actually wants to know.  She knows who she is, and what she wants.  I love her for her strength, her conviction.  I love her for her heart.  And I hate that I can't be with her."

"Why Heero? Give me one GOOD reason, why you can't be with her." 

"How could I ever prove myself worthy of her?" Heero demanded.  "What could I ever do that would prove myself worthy of her love?"

"It's not meant to be a test, my love."

Startled, we both swung around to see Relena, her face wet with tears, watching us quietly.

"And it was never your decision to make, whether you're worthy or not.  It's my choice and my decision.  And I chose you.  And I believed that you were worthy." 

She sniffed, brushing at her tears with the back of her hand.

"Men," she sobbed. "You always have to do things the bloody hard way."

******


	12. Stop being a baby

**If I Were You**

Okay, in case you haven't reached this conclusion already, I don't own Gundam Wing.  But, by gosh, they're just so much fun to torture!

A/N – Here there be sap… RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!

Chapter Twelve 

She stepped softly towards us, taking in our stunned appearances.  Reaching me first, she tilted my head towards the light, taking in my split lip and ripening bruise.  She rolled her eyes and gave me a look of complete disgust, muttering something under her breath that appeared to refer to 'stupid boys'. 

Moving towards Heero, she paused, as he hung his head in an attempt to avoid her gaze.  Taking his hand, she ran her fingers gently over his red and swollen knuckles.  Heero flinched slightly, and I knew that the reaction had nothing to do with his damaged hand.  Realising that Relena was avoiding looking up at him, I saw the distinct expression of longing wash over his face.  Lifting his other hand, he stroked it softly against her hair.

"Don't." Relena said calmly, as she recoiled from his touch. Pointing to his light cotton shirt, she directed,

"Unbutton it."

Heero blinked at her, before doing as he was told.  The look Relena was giving him left little room for argument.  Inspecting the darkening skin across his stomach, she brusquely ran her fingers across the bruises, receiving a sharp inhalation of air from Heero.

"Stop being a baby." She objected sharply.  

Heero looked at her in astonishment, and I fought an overpowering urge to laugh.  Sensing my mirth, Heero shot me a dark look.  I just shrugged at him, returning his stare with a smirk.  God I was enjoying this.

"Well, come on, I suppose I should at least clean you two idiots up." Grumbled Relena, heading back towards the house.  

Walking behind, I grinned at the sight Heero made.  He stomped along, slightly hunched, his shirt still hanging open.  There were grass clippings in his hair, and green stains marked the back of his jeans and white shirt.  I doubted that I looked much better.

Standing in the bright, artificial light of the kitchen, I knew we looked even worse.  Hey, it may have been a relatively short scuffle, but it's not like either of us didn't know how to make each punch count.  Heero's jaw and cheek were progressing to a satisfying purple, and I didn't expect his abdomen to look much different.  I congratulated myself inwardly.  It's not everyone that gets to beat the shit out of Heero Yuy, and I do like to take pride in my work.

Marching over to the freezer, Relena snatched an icepack and thrust it into my hands.

"Thug!" she snapped, then, seeing that her back was to Heero, she winked at me.  My need to laugh was seriously getting out of control.

"Go and sit over there," 

Sitting down on the indicated stool, I turned to Relena, who was waiting to apply ointment to my maturing bruise.  I snickered inwardly.  I suspected that Relena would call it anything but mature.

Completing her ministrations, she stood in front of me, hand extended and eyebrow raised.  Sighing, I removed my folded knife from my back pocket and pressed it into her palm.  I was really beginning to think she had missed her calling as a schoolmistress.  Was it any wonder she had those old politicians tripping all over themselves?  Satisfied, Relena turned her attentions to Heero.  

Indicating for him to remove his shirt, she began to check his arms, chest and stomach for damage.  He really was bruising up quite nicely.  She poked and prodded at him, completely lacking of sympathy.  Heero remained motionless, simply watching her with the same hopeless yearning.  It was almost imperceptible, and I doubted that Relena was aware of it.  But I could see it, and I hoped he would finally give in to his internal struggle.  His hands were clenched at his side, and I knew he was resisting the desire to touch her.  

"So," Relena began, returning the lid to the ointment bottle, "I hear you've taken up writing." 

Heero nodded dumbly.

"Do you think you could give us a moment, Trowa?  Heero and I need to have a talk."

I nodded, rising from my seat, and moved towards the door.  Something was preying on my mind however.  I could only assume that Relena had heard me declare my feelings.  Where did this leave our friendship? It left me feeling awkward.  She must have sensed this, however, as her hand on my arm brought me to a standstill.

"Trowa, I don't know how I could have got through the last few months without you."

She took my hand and smiled at me.  I smiled softly, wistfully back at her.

"You know I'll always be there for you, Relena.  Just think of me as a… as a brother." 

Relena's smile was gentle as she shook her head at me.

"No, not a brother.  I already have one of those, and he's more than enough.  No, Trowa, you're my best friend."

I felt a lump form in my throat, as the most gracious individual I had ever met, put her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.  Suddenly I realised, that that would be enough.

******

Okay, so maybe I should have left them in peace.  But part of me was loath to leave her alone with him, lest he trample her again.  And another part of me simply wanted to know how the story would end.  So I crouched in the shadows just beyond the kitchen door, silently hoping not to betray my presence.  In hind site, I suspect that Relena knew all along that I would not abandon her, but she knew that Heero would not have wanted me there.  

They stood watching each other, like opponents waiting for the other to betray their first move.  The clock's monotonous ticking was the only sound in the room.  Surprisingly, it was Heero who made the first step.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I hurt you."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"How?"

I smiled softly in the darkness.  Relena had no intention of letting him off lightly.  She was not going to let Heero make her do all the talking.  She wanted answers.  It appeared she was going to get them.

"I should never have over reacted to the newspapers.  I shouldn't have said what I did.  I was…. Jealous."

"Yes, well, I hear you've been doing a lot of over reacting of late.  Seems to be habit forming."

Heero reddened, and he hung his head.  Relena shook her head.

"So who have you chosen to believe, Heero? The gossipmongers? Or your friend?  Are you willing to accept that Trowa would never betray you, or would you rather believe the worst?"

She waited for some form of response, and on receiving none, continued.

"You know the worst thing about this Heero? It's been five years.  Five years since you used me, and left me.  You told me to move on… but as soon as it looks like I have, you come charging back, trying to tell me who I can and cannot associate myself with.  I'm surrounded by a very good group of friends.  And they're your friends too.  I'm not the only one who wants you back in my life.  We've missed you."

Something flickered across Heero's face.  Was it hurt?

"I didn't… I didn't _use_ you."

Relena raised her eyebrows in doubt.

"Really Heero? What do you call it then? Tell me…" she looked at him, imploring, 

"Tell me, Heero, what do you want from me?"   

"Didn't it matter to you what the world would think?" 

Relena blinked at him.

"Surely you must have realised; the scorn you would have received from the public.  Involving yourself with some unknown element, even worse if it ever got out who I was.  My past.  The sins I had committed. Didn't it matter to you at all?"

"No.  It didn't matter.  Not in the slightest.  I would have endured anything to be with you.  I would have been proud to be with you.  You're not unknown to me, or to those people in my life that matter.  And your sins are no more than any other soldier that did what they had to do, in order to survive.  Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, they've allowed themselves to move on.  You saved the Earth, Heero.  Why can't you stop fighting, and let her repay you?"

Heero swallowed deeply, struggling to steady his breathing.  Struggling to find the words, he murmured softly,

"I want… I _need_ to be near you."

Relena sobbed, blinking against unshed tears.  Reaching up with a shaking hand, she brushed an errant lock of hair out of Heero's eyes.  His eyes flickered shut briefly, as he savoured the touch of her fingers against his forehead.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly, "Thank you for the pendant.  It was… beautiful."

Locking her in an intense gaze, Heero cupped her face in his hands.

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." He replied softly.  His thumb traced her bottom lip, almost reverently and dropping his other hand to her waist, he pulled her up against him.

She shivered in his arms, her breath hitching in her throat, as she waited impatiently for the desired kiss.  Unable to torment himself any longer, he lowered his lips to hers, bestowing upon her a kiss that began tenderly but soon deepened passionately.  Breaking away, both short of breath, Heero looked intensely into the eyes of his love.  

"I love you Relena."

"I love you too Heero.  Please… please don't leave me again."

"Never.  I promise."

I sighed deeply, relief abound.  Finally things were how they should be.

"My goodness, Master Trowa, what are you doing sitting there in the dark?"

******


	13. Payback's a bitch

**If I Were You**

Okay – for the last time… I don't own Gundam Wing… but it would so make my year if someone gave me Trowa for Christmas….

Epilogue 

A little over a week had passed since Heero's return, and Relena had eagerly organised a welcome home party, inviting all the "usual suspects".  I could tell Heero was more than a little uncomfortable with the attention, but I also knew that he had no intention of disappointing her.  

Fortunately, Hilde managed to talk Duo out of cooking, although he was adamant that no one barbequed quite like he did ("yeah," Wufei had muttered "if you like charcoaled on the outside and rare in the middle"). Subsequently lunch went without any third degree burns or visits from fire control units.

So, here we all were, on a warm Sunday afternoon, gathered around in a group more reminiscent of a high school reunion than a get-together of comrades in arms.  Having consumed more than my fair share, I had retreated to a bench, positioned in the shade, and was now taking the opportunity to settle back and observe.  Sally had challenged Wufei to a game of chess and, much to his astonishment, was beating the pants off him.  Quatre and Heero were deep in discussion, although it did appear that Quatre was doing most of the talking.  Heero seemed distracted, as his gaze constantly sought that of a particular blonde.

With a grin, I let my thoughts slide back to the few nights previous, when Pagan blew my cover.  Actually, I still don't think Heero knows I had been watching the entire confession that had taken place in the kitchen, but I'm sure as hell not bringing the topic up.  It certainly opened my eyes to just how aware the old man is though, in regards to what takes place in that house. 

I had watched Pagan stroll past me into the kitchen, and tagged along, expecting some form of commotion.  However, Pagan had simply glanced calmly at a half naked Heero, and Relena wearing nothing but her nightgown, without raising so much as an eyebrow.  

 "So I assume that you will both be joining us for breakfast?"

Barely glancing at Heero's and my rather battered appearances, he became more concerned when he observed Relena's obvious lack of sleep.  Although her face was no longer pale (in fact it was now quite rosy), there was no denying the shadowed eyes.  

"Miss Relena," he exclaimed, "You look most unwell."  

Any thoughts of a hot breakfast were vetoed, as a fretful Pagan bustled a protesting Relena out of the kitchen and back up to her room, Heero following silently behind.  Sighing, I set about making myself an obligatory cup of coffee.  Within minutes, Heero reappeared in the doorway, looking bemused.  Reaching for another cup, I grinned at him,

"Wouldn't let you in huh?"

"He kicked me out!" Heero actually sounded miffed.  I had to laugh.

"I think Pagan's intention is for Relena to get some sleep.  I couldn't imagine too much sleep going on if you stayed with her."  

Heero flushed.

"My opinion exactly Master Trowa," commented Pagan, as he reappeared behind me, causing Heero to flush even more.

"Miss Relena suggested that if you weren't planning on sleeping yourself, that you might perhaps make use of the time to go and collect your belongings."

Heero blinked at him.

"I advise you get a move on, Master Heero.  We both know you've wasted far too much time already."

******

My musings were interrupted, as Duo flopped down on the bench beside me.  Glancing at him, he gave me a broad grin.  

"Hell of a day huh?" 

I nodded my agreement, smiling inwardly at the picture of contentment my friend made.  Leaning back, a beer in one hand and his sunglasses resting on the end of his nose, Duo couldn't have been more relaxed.

"So is the countdown on?" I asked, knowing the countdown had been well and truly on since the day Duo had proposed.  He smirked at me.

"That depends.  Do you want to know right down to the last millisecond?"

He gave a long sigh.

"Eight weeks.  Eight weeks 'til I get to make her an honest woman.  Just you wait Trowa.  One day you'll meet the perfect woman, and you'll get to know what it feels like to receive a gift from God."

I smiled softly.

"Oh? I didn't think you believed in God Duo?"

"Tro, my friend, when an angel like Hilde comes into your life, it's all you can do NOT to believe in God."

Giving a small smile at my lovesick associate, I reflected with irony my own past experiences.  I had met three women in my life that had come to reside in my heart.  One revealed to be a spy, one my sister and the last in love with my Best Friend.  I wondered briefly on the likelihood of being cursed at birth.

"I'm sorry, you know, for giving you a hard time before, about the whole Relena/Heero thing."

I glanced with surprise at Duo.

"It's nothing personal, you know.  I mean, if you could see it from our point of view, you are kind of threatening, if you see what I mean."

I stared at him, eyebrows raised, indicating that I did not, indeed, see what he meant.  Duo shook his head, clicking his tongue with mild annoyance.  

"It's bad enough that woman are always fawning over you, without it being OUR women that are doing the fawning."

Taking in my confused expression, Duo simply shook his head again.

"Anyway, let's just put it behind us. Huh?  Friends?"

Taking Duo's offered hand, I returned his firm handshake.  Pushing his glasses back in place, he suddenly bounced back to his feet.  

"Well, better get back and make sure my lady's not feeling too neglected."  

And with a wide grin and a cocky wave, he strode back over to the small gathering at the table.  Okay, odd conversation.  But then, I suppose, I had been talking to Duo.  

"Not hiding, I hope."

Looking over my shoulder, I saw that Quatre had appeared behind me.  

"Well, if I'm hiding. I'm not doing it very well." I replied. 

Quatre laughed, as he dropped down beside me.  We sat in comfortable silence for a little while, before my friend ventured,

"Well done, Trowa."

I looked at him like he'd grown another head.

"Excuse me?" 

Okay, so maybe I knew what he was talking about.  I guess I just didn't really want to talk about it.  He gave me a measured look and then appeared to decide to drop the subject.

"So, what are we going to do to sort out Wufei and Sally?"

I groaned, before venturing,

"Ah, nothing?"

"But Trowa! We have to do SOMETHING! The guy's completely clueless.  Hell, he's worse than Heero.  I mean look at him!"

Quatre waved his hand at the object of his discussion, who was still being annihilated by Sally's apparent chess skills.  The two appeared to be exchanging some rather heated barbs, although I could see there was no malicious intent from either.  To the quiet observer, there was no denying the sparks that flew between them.  I just wondered if either of them was aware of it.  Probably not.  They were both far too absorbed in their work and careers.

"A bit hypocritical, coming from Mr 'little black book the size of an encyclopaedia', isn't it?" I mentioned.  Quatre shrugged defensively.  

"Hey, at least I'm looking."

Hm, guess I had to give him that.

"That was a very interesting statement from sleaze bag on the news the other night." Quatre said, deciding to change the subject.  I nodded my agreement, recalling the public apology Justin had given on a high profile current affairs program.

Looking slightly the worse for wear, and curiously also displaying a livid black eye, the diplomat had appeared embarrassed and decidedly chastened, as he expressed his regret to Relena for his recent slurs. 

"It has come to my attention that recent publications have chosen to misquote a recent interview, and in doing so, has blemished the flawless character of my dear friend Relena Dorlian.  While it is true that we have decided to end our personal relationship, it was entirely a mutual decision and there were no bitterness involved.

Nor was there a third party concerned, and I wish to extend my regret to Mr Trowa Barton, for the damage this may also have had on his reputation, and hope it has had no effect on the friendship he has shared with Miss Dorlian since their childhood.

I wish Miss Dorlian all the best in her future endeavours, and sincerely hope that this situation will not be left to reflect poorly upon all her past achievements."

Apology or not, the man was still an ass.  Relena was satisfied enough, however, although admittedly she was somewhat distracted from the state of affairs anyway.  

The black eye, of course, had created a great deal of speculation over exactly who had come forward to defend Relena's honour.  There were also whispers that Relena possessed a wicked left hook.  

"About time the stuffed shirt faced up to some of his responsibilities." I grunted.

"Yes," replied Quatre "Well he's lost a lot more face over the whole debacle than he realises.  He's about to discover just how quickly you can fall from power and influence in politics."

"Serves him right." Stated Heero, as he dropped down next to Quatre. "What goes around comes around."

"True," I replied, "So very true."

Again, the air stretched into silence, as we watched the gathering before us.  Duo had returned to the group, and was now leaning over Hilde's shoulder, as they appeared to tease Relena about something.  I had little doubt about exactly what, judging by the colour of her blushes.  Sally suddenly gave a cheer, as Wufei swore loudly, obviously having lost yet another game.

"He's letting her win," declared Heero.

Quatre and I glanced at him. 

"No!" exclaimed Quatre, "Wufei would never concede anything to anyone."

Heero shook his head.

"He may not be doing it on purpose, but he's definitely letting her win.  I doubt his minds much on the game."

"Ha!" laughed Quatre, poking me in the arm. "See! I'm not the only one that sees it."

I rolled my eyes.

"For a group of, supposedly, intelligent guys, we sure insist on making things difficult for ourselves."

Quatre groaned as his pager suddenly shrilled.  Plucking it out of his pocket, he suddenly tossed it over his shoulder, where it bounced several times across the lawn.  Heero and I looked at each other, before both fixing Quatre with a stare.  

"Okay, okay. Why me?  One day off! Just one! Is that too much to ask! Can I PLEASE have a life…"

Muttering away to himself, he stomped off to retrieve the pager.  We watched as he made his way in to the house, to use the phone.

"Good thing that thing's shock resistant." Heero commented, shooting me a wry grin.   I smirked back at him.

"So tell me Heero…" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

"That was one hell of a shiner Justin was sporting on the news the other day.  Don't suppose you know anything about it?"

 Heero gave me what I thought was the most pathetic innocent expression I had ever seen.  

"Well, according to his statement in the papers, he took a nasty fall when he tripped over his cat."

"Really? I wasn't aware that Justin would even have a cat."

"Hn… maybe it was a stray."

I couldn't help it. I had to laugh.  Heero smirked at me before commenting,

"Payback's a bitch."

Standing up, Heero watched Relena, as she appeared to share some uproarishly funny joke with Hilde.  One of her hands was pressed to her mouth, while the other clutched at her side.  Heero heaved a sigh.  

"I don't deserve her."

"Heero…" I shook my head.

"Heero, nobody does."

Offering me no reply, and merely pressing a hand to my shoulder as a simple gesture, he walked back towards the small group gathered around the picnic table.  Sitting close to her, I watched as he ran an almost tentative hand along her bare arm, and I smiled as she took that hand, pressing it gently to her lips, before leaning up to impart a tender kiss.  It warmed me, to see the expression of complete contentment that crossed Heero's face.  Catching my eye, a grinning Duo winked at me and gave me the thumbs up.  I smiled sincerely back at him.

The Knight had finally returned to his Princess.

******

_Well, here we are… at the end… finally. *grins* I hope you enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it.  _

Thank you so much for all the encouragement that I received, particularly from the LRML folk…. You really are the most splendiferous bunch of people.  This was my first attempt at fan fiction and now, thanks to all the support I am seriously hooked.  

_As, hopefully, the Epilogue has hinted, I do have a few stories to follow this one up…. After all, this can't be The End now can it?  The direct follow on, "Whatever makes you happy" is going to include Duo and Hilde, but is still very H&R centric… Chapter one has already been posted at the "Believe Your Love" Forum (note: shameless authors plug… hehehehe.) _

_So, once again, thank you for taking the time to read (and reply to) to my ficcy.    All the best!!_

_Cheers! _

_Mel_

_P.S.  Heero & Relena forever!!!_


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